


I love you Seoul, I hate you Seoul | suayeon

by chaoticdadaproject



Category: Dreamcatcher (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Enemies to Lovers, F/F, Slow Burn, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-20
Updated: 2020-10-02
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:33:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 30,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25407703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaoticdadaproject/pseuds/chaoticdadaproject
Summary: bora and siyeon meet at seoul’s top performing arts academytattoo soulmate au
Relationships: Kim Bora | SuA/Lee Siyeon, Kim Minji | JiU/Kim Yoohyeon
Comments: 39
Kudos: 150





	1. i

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> prologue

Kim Bora was always interested in being a dancer. Ever since she was a young girl, she would dance around her living room, pretending she was on stage, dancing with a handsome man.

_"Eomma, look at me!”_

_“You’re really good at that sweetie!”_

_“Watch this, watch this!”_

_“Ah ah, be careful of that table.”_

She also loved talking to her mother about her future soulmate.

_“I think he would be famous and have blonde hair. Like honey, and it would glisten in the light as we danced.”_

_“That’s very vivid Bora, maybe one day you’ll meet a man like that.”_

_“I hope so.”_

_“What would he be wearing as you danced?”_

_“Hm. Probably something like a velvet suit. Really really dark red, and he would have a crisp black shirt underneath.”_

_“What about his personality?”_

_“Passionate and strong willed. I want him to be able to handle everything I am.”_

Bora often went into great detail and would imagine him in her head, the way his body would move perfectly with hers.

She was able to think of many different romantic movies that she wanted to reanact with her soulmate. Her preferred man would be badass and sexy if it was a drama, or fun and cute if the movie was a comedy.

Bora's mother was very supportive of her choice to dance, and as Bora got older, she paid for a lot of the school fees and a few tutors to improve Bora’s skills. She was top of every class, but was surprised when she got accepted into Seoul's top performing arts academy, HFS. It was enough to start her career and get her name out there as a professional dancer, her stage name - SuA.

The instructors were very impressed with Bora's dancing during first year and she ended up getting main dancing roles in all of the academy's productions, sometimes being the only first year on set. As well as getting millions of views on YouTube when her dance covers went viral.

She soon became very well known in Seoul's dance scene and was recognised as an extremely talented hardworker. She became popular in the academy with many friends, yet Bora still wasn’t fully satisfied because she still hadn’t met her soulmate. 

~~~

Lee Siyeon was never that in awe of dancing. She could dance if she put her mind to it, but that wasn't what she was best at. She had a gift for singing, she would do it any chance she got. But she wasn't a fan of it being exploited and having all her privacy and rights stolen if she became an idol, as her family wanted. She didnt want to be stripped of her freedom.

When she was young, she got into trouble often. Siyeon was antisocial at that age and sometimes decided to scream and hurt other students, causing her to be homeschooled by a variety of vocal coaches instead.

_“Siyeon, you mustn’t lash out. The best companies won't consider you if you continue to behave like this!”_

_“I want to be in charge of my own life and not have some company use me!"_

_“Siyeon, what else are you good at? How will you become successful?.”_

_“I don’t know and I don't care.”_

Her unique behaviour and incredible voice however caught the attention of many Rock and Metal production labels, but each time she turned them down to the dismay of her parents. Each contract she read thoroughly, and they all wanted to keep her in control in some way or another. She had uploaded a number of covers and original songs on the internet over the years that gained her a loyal fanbase. She loved to sing but on her own terms. With her mesmerising high notes and variety of genres her voice excelled at, it only took her a matter of time before she was recognised in Seoul.

_"Lee Siyeon? We are in dire need for a voice as strong and unique as yours to represent our academy. Our productions need something new, so we can continue attracting investors from around the world. Are you perhaps interested in studying with us?”_

_“Possibly. What opportunities would there entail for me?”_

_“More fame and recognition, as well as numerous companies and labels looking for someone new to take the industry by storm, someone like you. Depending on how seriously you take this.”_

_“I’ll consider.”_

When it came to soulmates, Siyeon couldn't care less. She hated the idea of it being out of her control, so she distracted herself by sleeping with anyone she liked without searching for their tattoo. Love wasn't on top of her priority list, instead singing the music she loved and making money from it was.

Soon enough, she packed her bags and left Daegu to start her first year at HFS Academy. Her parents were happy with her choice but still hoping that after she gained the extra training the academy had to offer, a big company would want to employ her on a high salary. Siyeon did not have that in mind.


	2. ii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> seoul

Siyeon hated Seoul. The crowded streets full of busy workaholics annoyed her. No one seemed happy. They were all tied down in some way, either by a boring job or a soulmate that didn't reach their idealistic expectations. These idiots must know that not everyone can have a idol or model as their soulmate, right?

Everything about the city got on her nerves so much that as soon as she reached her new dorm, she slammed the door shut behind her, scaring her new roommate to death. 

_"What the fuck dude I almost dropped my-"_

"Oh my god _please_ don't quote that stupid vine right now." 

Siyeon wasn't in the mood for talking, especially when she just had to take 8 flights of stairs with her bags because the elevator wasn't working. 

"Nice to meet you too." The tall girl replied sarcastically, not at all phased by her cold behaviour. Siyeon first impression of the girl was that she resembled a puppy, adorable and innocent. 

"Lee Siyeon wasn't it?" She nodded while still trying to catch her breath.

"Yeah the stairs suck, but you'll get used to them. You can call me Yooh by the way," Siyeon nodded again, looking around the small apartment. 

"Your room is at the end of the corridor, I think you'll like it. The walls are black and it kinda looks like your vibe." Yooh added, pointedly looking down at Siyeon's dark shirt and trousers with a light smile.

" _Thanks,_ " Siyeon said dryly, trying to think of how to avoid this girl as much as possible while living with her. Thankfully, she looked as if she was about leave right now anyway.

"While you unpack, I'm gonna visit my girlfriend next door and help her settle in," she reached into her pocket and pulled out an extra key and gave it to Siyeon. _"Don't lose it,"_ she added with another sickly sweet smile.

As the door shut behind her, Yooh's words started to sink in. _Girl_ friend? That was a good unexpected surprise. Thankfully Siyeon wouldn't have to pretend to be straight and say the girls she brings back to her bedroom are "just friends." Also, the girlfriend lived next door, so she probably wouldn't even have to put up with Yooh much at all, at least she hoped. If she had to watch them both being in love in their shared apartment she would probably throw up.

All she wanted was privacy and a bed to rest in after classes. HFE sent her schedule last week and it was unsurprisingly packed with technical music theory and vocal lessons taught by the most well-known instructors in Korea. And on top of that she was expected to participate in almost all academy productions, the first being held in three months time.

Siyeon tried to remember why she accepted this offer in the first place. _Further recognition and fame._ Hopefully with freedom attached. That was her mission. The more fans she gains, the more money she can make to live comfortably away from her parents and the people who annoy her, like the people in Seoul.

Siyeon sighed and for the first time since she arrived, embraced the new silence around her. This whole change was going to be a lot to get used to, and she wasn't looking forward to any of it. 

~~~

Bora loved Seoul. She saw the city as a constant buzz of life with countless opportunities around ever corner. She was surrounded by hard-working people who knew what they wanted, just like herself. The fast paced lifestyle was made for her.

Every morning she got up, did her stretching routine, cooked a healthy breakfast, went to classes, studied with friends, practiced in the dance studios until her body ached, went out for dinner with more friends and on the weekends would dress up to go to the numerous clubs and bars in the city. This is where she thrived.

However, she knew something was missing. Every day she met new and interesting people, but none of their tattoos matched her own. She made a habit now to ask the attractive men she met about their tattoos, before wasting time on dates. She didn't mind sleeping with them anyways if she liked them, but at least this way she wouldn't get her hopes up like she had in the past. 

Seoul was full of beautiful and talented people, which had overwhelmed Bora at first. How was she going to find the one for her in a crowded place like this? And what made things even harder, her tattoo was on her _thigh,_ so it was virtually impossible to spot her soulmate anywhere unless he was wearing really _short_ shorts.

She wished everyone's tattoos were their soulmate's name instead of a stupid unique design. A black dreamcatcher told her _nothing_ about her soulmate. It was infuriating. And all those websites that claim to find your soulmate for you, charge insane amounts of money with no guarantee. Not everyone wants to put their tattoo online, let alone find their soulmate in the most unromantic way imaginable.

Bora wished her man was looking for her as much as she was looking for him. She hoped he danced everyday like her, and oozed confidence in everything he did. Not to mention, she wished he was tall, funny, loud, fashionable, sexy, cute, hardworking and fit. 

Her friends have told her multiple times how picky she is, but she always dismisses it. _"I just know what I want."_ Bora knows not to settle for less, her strong leo energy stopped her from being treated as any less than the queen she is. She deserved the best in life and that is what she strived for. 

Today, Bora's routine was pretty much the same. She had just got back from the studio, her body sore from the choreography for her new YouTube cover of Copycat by Billie Eilish. It should be ready to film in the next two days if she kept up the practice. After a quick shower, she called Minji to see whether she wanted to go out for dinner.

_"Hey Minji, you hungry?"_

_"Of course I am, always, is that even a question?"_

_"Of course you are. Well do you want to go to that new restaurant near campus with me in a bit? It just opened yesterday."_

_"Sorry love, but Yooh is helping me unpack tonight and we're probably just going to order take out. Do you wanna come ov-_ wait! no Bora! - _Yooh! give me back my pho -_ Hi Bora you're amazing and I love spending time with you but unless you want to see me making out with your best friend all night then don't come - _Babe stop it! Bora you are still welcome over, don't listen to her."_ Bora couldn't help but laugh at her friends antics. 

_"I think I'm going to listen to your girlfriend for once. You're both incredibly cute together but I don't think I could stomach seeing you both on top of eachother while I eat."_

_"Understandable. Though we would be hot to watch, you can't deny it,"_ Bora laughed hard at this. _"But we could eat at that new place tomorrow because my classes finish early. And we could bring Handong with us, are you free?"_

_"Yeah, okay it's a plan. I'll text Dong now and see you tomorrow. Say bye to Yooh for me."_

_"Bye love -_ BYE BORAAA!- _Yooh!"_

Bora loved Minji with all her heart but hiding her jealously was getting harder. Her best friend found her soulmate before her, and they were adorable. She just wished she could have what they had already. Someone to bicker with, and confide in, and binge avengers movies with until 3am. 

She prayed a silent little prayer on her walk back from the studio, that wherever her soulmate was right now, that they would find eachother soon, so they could both act cuter than Minji and Yooh.


	3. iii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> friends

In the recent weeks, Siyeon and Yooh had finally settled into a routine that worked for both of them. At first, Siyeon avoided her new roommate at all costs, opting to stay out most nights exploring the underground clubs of the city (the only perk to this whole situation she'll admit). But that was until she brought home two beautiful girls one night when she was wasted and Yooh woke up to the sound of screaming. Suspecting someone was dying, Yooh ran into her room to see Siyeon's legs wrapped around a girl's face while heavily kissing another. All very much naked. 

Let's just say it took her by surprise. Yooh was so surprised in fact, that she stood by the door for several seconds with her jaw open, trying to wrap her sleepy brain around the fact that 1) Siyeon liked girls and 2) She wasn't as shy and quiet as she had let on.

 _"Hey baby...you're really cute,"_ one of the girls had noticed Yooh at the door and got off the bed, leaving Siyeon in a confused daze. _"What? Yuqi-"_

Yuqi had drunkenly walked over to Yooh and cupped the latter's face in her hands, pinching her cheeks slightly, _"Isn't she adorable girls?"_

When Siyeon caught sight of her wide-eyed roommate in her Dalmatian pyjamas, a laugh burst from her mouth before she could stop it. They both made eye contact and Siyeon (probably a bit too drunk at this point) couldn't stop laughing. At least that was enough to wake Yooh up from her momentary shock. She turned around quickly and slammed the door behind her, leaving Yuqi standing naked by herself with a frown.

 _"Come back here babe, don't worry about Yooh she's got her soulmate already,"_ Siyeon slurred, making Yuqi climb back into bed with a new cheeky smile on her face. Siyeon smiled back, gripping the other girl's head between her legs (Siyeon had forgotten her name), as Yuqi straddled her face. She definitely wasn't complaining.

However Yooh definitely was, but to Minji over text. 

_"Babe, my roommate just traumatised me."_

_"Oh no, please let it not be what I think it is."_

_"A drunk sweaty threesome. They're SCREAMING babe, I want to die."_

_"Oh my god, if she wants to fuck so loud, she's got to at least have the common decency to check if you are out first."_

_"Ugh I know, I'll talk to her in the morning. I wish you were home right now so I could just go over yours."_

_"I know, I'm sorry babe :("_

__

__

_"btw one of the girls called me adorable when I walked in on them."_

_"She's right <3" _

_"You aren't jealous? ;) "_

_"She's not the one with a matching butterfly on her wrist my love."_

_"I love you <3" _

After that night, Yooh told a very hungover Siyeon that she would have to warn her from now on so that she had a head start to vacate to her girlfriend's place. 

"Okay I will, I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking straight."  
"Clearly." That made Siyeon laugh, against her better judgement.

Things shifted after that day. Siyeon would gradually spend more evenings in the apartment, opting to cook once in a while instead of relying on eating out (in both senses of the word). This turned into Siyeon cooking too much one evening and giving it to Yooh too, which then lead to them eating together on the sofa on the nights she wasn't over Minji's. 

Siyeon hated to admit it, but she liked the company. She was wrong about the adorable tall girl. Siyeon learnt she was smart, like incredibly smart, especially with languages, but lacked common sense which made her easy to tease. She also loved gaming, was extremely clumsy on her feet and wanted to become an actress.

Soon enough, Siyeon found herself looking forward to getting home after classes because she had someone to talk to, even if it was only about a stuck-up teacher or what she had for lunch. She was glad she had at least one friend in this city. 

Yooh warmed up to Siyeon fast as she gradually saw the mysterious girl come out of her shell. She quickly realised the tough exterior she wore most the time was a facade, disguising the true softie Siyeon was underneath. The chic clothes and intimidating stare could've been enough to scare people away but not if they realised Siyeon only stares like that because she refuses to wear her glasses outside. Honestly could this girl be any cuter? (Blocking out the memory of her fucking two girl's brains out the other week.)

They were an unlikely pair, which caught people off guard when seeing them both chatting down the street on their way to classes. Their routines now worked alongside eachother and little things like making each other a coffee in the morning or watching a movie after studying became a regular occurence. Sometimes Siyeon would even help Yooh practice her lines before class.

When it came to the academy itself, Siyeon had to admit she was impressed. The facilities were state of the art, providing her with hallways of large soundproof practice rooms with every instrument and production technology currently on the market. This not only gave her a place to sing and study but also to record new covers for her fans and produce her newly written songs on higher quality devices. 

The classes themselves however, annoyed Siyeon immensely. The letcurers were teaching low level theory that she had known for years. Nothing was challenging her and the other students were obnoxiously interested in everything being taught as if it were gospel. She was too skilled for this. The instructors got on her nerves too after assigning her a research project on western country music. _Country music._ She would rather eat a raw onion. 

She still knew better than to ask for harder classes yet, because auditions for the next school production started in a few days. She needed to see if she would be able to handle the extra work load. So right now, she accepted that she would have to attend boring classes alongside undertrained idiots. Well that was what she thought, until she met Dami.

Dami was the girl's stage name, her true name was Yubin, and she definitely caught Siyeon's attention. She was short, with sleek short hair, lots of tattoos and a _I don't give a fuck_ attitude. She had shown up late to the first couple classes they had together, until the vocal lessons started. She was an extremely talented rapper, able to reach more syllables a minute than anyone else in the room easily. 

And she knew how good she was. She walked into class with an air of confidence and would never speak to anyone unless it was absolutely necessary. Siyeon admired that. That is what she strived to be like, until someone got on her nerves and she snapped at them instead. Dami seemed to dislike the rest of the students too and that is what drew Siyeon to approach her on the way out of class one day.

 _"Hey Dami,"_ The girl in question stopped and looked up from her phone with an unreadable expression on her face, looking at Siyeon.  
_"Yes?"  
"I want to get to know you,"_ She tried using blunt confidence to get through to the girl and show her that they both had more in common than she thought. This seemed to work as Dami slowly looked Siyeon up and down with a small smirk on her face.

 _"Are you asking me out? Because you aren't my type"  
"No that's - no, I just think we have a lot in common, like how we both hate this class, you are like... the only one I can tolerate." _So much for the confidence. Dami looked at the taller girl with an amused expression on her face before asking,

 _"Siyeon isn't it?" "Yes."_  
_"You lose your temper too easily with them."  
"I know, I want to be more like you." _This made Dami pause, thinking. Siyeon didn't know what made her become so honest with the girl all of a sudden but she didn't mind it. 

__

__

_"I'm picking up some lunch from a vendor down the street, come if you want."_ She started walking before she could see Siyeon's blinding smile as she caught up to her.

~~~

Bora was drunk. Like, _really_ drunk. Minji had taken her and her friends to a club downtown, that was known for its "leniency" towards homosexuality. Minji and Yooh were grinding on each other in the middle of the dancefloor, while Handong took another shot with Bora near the bar. 

_"Look at how cute they are,"_ Bora said dreamily, gesturing to their friends.

 _"Bora, they are the opposite of cute right now, they are practically fucking in public,"_ Handong said dryly, raising her hand towards the bartender for another shot.

 _" I wish I had someone to do that with,"_ Bora sighed, leaning her heavy head on the bar.

_"Anyone in this club would happily fuck you in a heartbeat if you let them."_

_"I know that but what if I want more?"_ Now it was Handong's turn to sigh. 

_"Ugh not this soulmate shit again, Bora how many times have I told you, you'll meet them when you're meant to. It's fate, you can't rush it or it'll mess everything up, just be patient."_

_"But you know how impatient I ammmm,"_ she whined.

 _"Yep I definitely know, because you never shut up about it."_ A shot was placed in front of Handong and she downed it instantly.

 _"How do you do it Dong? Why don't you care?"_ Bora asked, looking up at her friend.

_"What do you mean?"_

_"Why aren't you looking for your soulmate? You could easily find them, with your tattoo on your neck. You're lucky yours is so visible."_ Bora was jealous, not just of Minji and Yooh but Handong aswell and it was eating her up inside.

 _"I'm my own person before I'm anyone else's Bora, you should know that, aren't Leo's meant to be cocky and self-centred? "_ she teased, poking Bora in the rib to make her sit up.

 _"Shut up,"_ she grumbled, sitting up and taking the shot the bartender left next to her head.

_"I'll find her when I find her, but hopefully not anytime soon because my classes are killing me."_ Handong frowned, thinking of all the homework she had waiting for her at home. 

_"God mine too, AND auditions start on Monday."_

_"Must be soooo hardddd being the academy's favourite dancer,"_ she joked, resulting in Bora sloppily punching her arm. _"Hey!"_

To be completely honest, Handong wasn't lying when she said Bora was the academy's favourite dancer. What other explanation was there when she got centre stage for every production in her first year? Yes, she was incredibly skilled, everybody knew that including herself, more skilled that many of the fourth years at the academy but there's still only so far talent can take you in such a short amount of time. HFS must have pulled a few strings for Bora in the past to get her the opportunities she'd been given.

For this, many people had taken to calling her spoilt and hated the idea of her having an unfair advantage, especially her fellow dancers. Bora simply ignored them as much as possible and continued on with her life, surrounding herself with friends. But the comments still got to her, and made her wonder exactly why HFS was giving her the special treatment. 

Thankfully, to stop Bora wallowing in her troubles, Minji and Yooh came up to the drunken pair and pulled them up to the dance. _"C'mon guys! Let's show everyone how sexy we are!"_

The music's heavy bass made the floor vibrate beneath Bora's feet. Her drunk muscles loosely moved to the slow sultry rhythm of the song, flooding all her senses. This was what made her happy. Feeling music through herself completely, body and soul. This was where she belonged. She barely registered how Minji wrapped her arms loosely around her neck, her head thrown back in a drunken daze.

Bora looked at her best friend. Like _really_ looked at her. Her dark red hair cascaded down her shoulders in loose waves, her silky black dress shone under the flashing lights, hugging her body in all the right places. The smile she gave Bora when she caught her staring sent shivers down her spine. She was _gorgeous._ She smiled back at her, trying her best to make it reach her eyes as she spotted Yooh dancing behind them.

Bora and Minji had known each other since they were kids. They had gone to the same school in Changwon and shared the same dream- to dance for the rest of their lives. They would dance together through the school hallways between classes, in their bedrooms during sleepovers, and on the abandoned rooftops of the old town. Changwon couldn't hold their dreams for long, so they packed their bags, created their stage names, and left for Seoul.

They lived in a cramped dingy apartment for a year (the best they could afford) while applying and auditioning for any company or school that would take them. During that time the only jobs that would allow them to dance involved poles and desperate men, which wasn't ideal but kept food on the table. Then, one summer evening their world changed for the better. Seoul's top performing arts academy HFS had accepted their applications, _both of them._

That night they shared a cheap bottle of soju and danced in their cramped living room until the sun came up. It was the happiest day of their lives. It still was for Bora, but not anymore for Minji. Her happiest day happened 5 months and 13 days ago, when she met Yooh for the first time.

Bora had dragged Minji out to a party celebrating the end of an academy production. Everyone was going to be there, including the vocal and acting students. After a lot of dancing and drinking, Minji, out of the corner of her eye saw a girl fall down the stairs. She ran over to check on her, but the girl's disheveled platinum hair and slightly bruised lip took Minji's breath away. Before she could even offer a hand to the girl on the floor, her contagious laugh blessed her ears, _"Oh my god, I can't believe I just did that, in front of a pretty girl no less."_

And that's when Minji saw it. The small black butterfly on the girl's right wrist. Truthfully, she almost fainted from the shock of it all, but instead stayed frozen, unable to move or speak for a solid minute or so. Yooh, thinking that her compliment may have offended her in some way, got up and tried asking if she was okay, until Minji wordlessly pointed at her own wrist. Yooh's eyes followed, confused, until it all made sense. A blinding smile took over the tall girl's features as she pulled Minji into her, clinging onto her shoulders, whispering into her hair _"you found me."_

It's all very romantic until you hear the same story so much you have every word memorised. But Bora was happy for her best friend, because why wouldn't she be? This was the happiest time of Minji's life and she was there to see it. They had both talked about their soulmates since they were little, sleepovers were spent drawing and writing about their imaginary other halves. Minji just happened to meet hers first. And if that meant less sleepovers, less days out and less dancing together around the city ( _their_ city), then Bora would just have to put up with it. It also didn't help that Yooh was the kindest human being on the planet.

All these memories flooded back to her like a tsunami, all because Minji was dancing with her again. She was dancing with _her_ , looking at _her_ , smiling at _her._ She would be lying if she said she'd never miss this.

But the precious, bitter nostalgia was short-lived as Yooh came over and planted a soft kiss on Minji's neck which made her pull away from Bora with a wink.

The rest of the night was a blur, clouded by heavy emotions and _a lot_ more alcohol. Thankfully Bora can hide her jealously well, especially with men busy guiding her hips and brushing their lips against hers. 

_"Bora! Me and Minji are going back to her apartment now,"_ Yooh called over to her.

 _"Come back with us, your apartment is too far from here,"_ Minji added, hugging her girlfriend from behind.

Bora checked her phone, 12:23am. The attractive guy behind her was whispering sweet nothings in her ear and wanting her to stay just a _bit_ longer.

 _"Its still earlyyy,"_ Bora whined to them both, not really fond of sleeping on the sofa while her best friend cuddled someone else to sleep.

 _"Yeah it's still early, why don't I walk Bora back to your place later when we both leave? I need to go that way too anyway."_ Handong added, sensing her friend's discomfort without knowing the reason behind it.

Minji smirked at Handong as the latter started peppering kisses on a pretty girl's shoulder, waiting for the answer to her offer.

 _"Fine, you both seem busy. Yooh give Bora your spare key so she can get in later, it's apartment number 50,"_ Minji said, as her girlfriend quickly pulled out her keys, giving one to Bora, who wasn't really paying attention anymore.

 _"Handong make sure you both get home safe and text me. You seem less drunk than Bora is right now,"_ Minji added, smiling at them both before leaving the club with Yooh, hand in hand.

~~~

It was approaching 3am when Handong had to physically pull Bora out of the club to walk her back uptown. The sky was an empty grey and the air was cold and harsh down her throat. She wrapped her small fur jacket around her shoulders, stumbling down the street next to her friend.

But Handong wasn't alone, she had the same pretty girl from earlier wrapped around her arm, both of them smiling and laughing with one another between kisses. Bora was so sick of third-wheeling already.

When they got to the apartment building it dawned on her that she hadn't even visited Minji's new apartment yet. How was she going to know which apartment number she was? Had she already told her earlier? Ugh, she regretted not paying attention now.

 _"Are you going to be okay getting in?"_ Handong asked. 

Bora didn't want to worry her and stall her from having a good night, so she lied.

 _"Yeah don't worry, I have the key and I'll text you when I get in. Get home safe you two,"_ she said with the biggest smile she could muster. God, this night was emotionally exhausting. 

As she watched them both walk away, she fumbled in her purse and took out the key. She sighed in relief as she saw an apartment number on it, 51.


	4. iv

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they meet

It took Bora a good 20 minutes for her drunk self to climb up the stairs, almost getting on her hands and knees near the end. It didn't help that the lighting in the building was blindingly bright and giving her a headache with every step she took. Her muscles were aching to rest on Minji's sofa and forget all the memories from the night.

She stumbled down the hallway, swaying slightly in front of her destination, key in hand. She really hoped that the couple were asleep by now so she wouldn't have to cover her ears to muffle any drunken moans. As slowly and quietly as she could, she opened the door and closed it shut behind her.

The apartment was pitch black, all curtains were drawn so not even any moonlight could enter. Bora had no idea where anything was or even what room she was in, since she'd never been there before. She fumbled with the key, locking the door behind her and turned around, squinting her eyes as much as possible to make out any furniture around her. It was useless.

So instead she opted to slowly trace her hand against the nearest wall, searching for a light switch, praying to god she didn't knock over an expensive vase or something. After a few tentative steps forward, her shin hit something. It was waist height and soft and she realised it was a sofa. Letting out a sigh of relief she slumped down and stretched her legs, resting her head on the soft arm rest. Well, what she _thought_ was an arm rest, until it started to move.

~~~

Siyeon must have fallen asleep on the sofa after watching too many dramas that night. She didn't expect however, to be rudely awoken by someone's head in her lap. 

At first, she assumed Yooh must be home and too drunk to realise this wasn't her bed. But Siyeon's sleepy brain quickly remembered her roommate told her she was going to sleep over Minji's tonight.

She looked down at the brunette in her lap who reeked of alcohol, and had no idea what to do. If she was a burglar, why wasn't she stealing anything? Secondly, Siyeon didn't hear or see any signs of breaking and entering so the girl must have a key. Was she one of Yooh's acting friends? This still didn't make any sense and the fact that she didn't scream out of shock from this situation surprised her. Instead she was unnaturally calm. This girl seemed harmless.

 _"Uh hum,"_ She tried waking up the girl with her voice, but when that didn't work, she slowly started pushing her off, until the girl's whole body accidentally fell onto the floor with a loud _thud._ Siyeon had to stifle a laugh. 

_"What the fuck?"_ Bora shouted groggily, sitting up and squinting at the silhouette above her. _Did someone really just push me off the sofa?_ she thought. Her hair was a mess, her makeup was smudged and she couldn't see a _damn_ thing. Siyeon couldn't help realising how attractive she was nonetheless.

"Who are you?" Siyeon asked sternly, still incredibly confused by the situation she woke up to. 

"Who are _you_?" Bora shot back, her words a bit slurred and not coming out as threatening as she wanted to. Why was this random girl in Minji's apartment? She doesn't have a roommate, it's only a one bedroom apartment.

_"I live here."_

_"No you don't."_

_"Yes I do."_

_"No way."_

_"Yes way."_

_"Then where do you sleep?"_

_"In my room?"_

_"But this is a one bedroom apartment."_

_"No it's not."_

_"I was never told that."_

_"Oh my god, you're so annoying. Why are you in my apartment?"_ Siyeon's head had started to ache. She stared down at the insufferable brunette on the floor, hoping for at least _one_ thing to come out the girl's mouth to make sense.

"This is _Minji's_ apartment," the girl said sternly, squinting up at the silhouette on the sofa, trying to make out the face behind that irritating voice.

Siyeon sighed, finally something that made sense. "Well, this is _I and Yooh's_ apartment, _Minji_ lives next door," she explained condescendingly, watching the gears turn in the drunken girl's brain before her. She would probably smile at the sight if she wasn't so annoyed right now. 

_"Oh."_

Siyeon sighed frustratingly and put her face in her hands, willing herself not to lash out at the girl in front of her. Instead thinking, _what would Dami do?_

Bora stumbled up, grabbing onto the other end of the sofa and straightening out her dress. She was going to _kill_ Yooh when she got next door. How could she mess up the keys? To be honest she was more mad that she had neglectled to say her roommate was a sarcastic bitch.

When she stood up, she looked around the dark room trying to figure out where the front door was. How could anyone see in this?

 _"I'll turn on the light, then leave,"_ Siyeon cringed at how harsh she sounded, and added a light _"please."_ It was extremely hard to control her words at times.

 _"What do you think I was planning on doing?"_ Bora said back angrily. She couldn't wait to leave this stupid dark apartment and sleep away the rest of the night.

Suddenly the lights turned on, revealing a really pissed off Siyeon staring daggers into Bora's eyes. Maybe it was the alcohol but this girl was _hot_ , even in her baggy pyjamas. For a split second, she regretted getting angry with her. That was until the girl in question strode over to the front door, unlocked it and motioned for Bora to get out.

 _"You're really rude, do you know that?"_ She couldn't help herself, her temper pushing down whatever alcohol-induced thoughts she had a second ago.

"Yes, I've been told. " 

_"How does Yooh even put up with you?"_ That was too far. Siyeon grit her teeth and clutched the door handle, waiting to slam it shut behind the shorter girl. When Bora saw how mad she was, she smirked. _She must have hit a nerve._

"Just leave already! You _break into_ my apartment-"

"I didn't break in."

"and woke me up, just to _insult_ me-"

"You started it."

"Oh my god, are you always this insufferable?"

"I think I'm quite likeable to be honest," Bora teased, smirking at how riled up Siyeon was getting.

"I find that hard to believe."

Bora stared at the taller girl, with her eyebrows pinched together, trying to figure her out. "What is your problem?"

_"You."_

Siyeon really just wanted to go back to sleep. The sun was probably going to rise soon and she had early classes. But this girl was an expert at getting on her nerves.

Thankfully, Bora felt her phone vibrate in her purse before she could say anything back. It was probably Handong wondering if she got in safe. She gave Siyeon one last glare, raised her middle finger at her and left.

Siyeon slammed the door shut behind her, probably waking up the whole hallway, and sighed against the wall. She checked the clock on the coffee table. _4:11am._ Hopefully she could get another 2 hours of sleep before her first class.

~~~

Yooh was going to _die_ for this. Bora knocked the door loudly and repetitively until it flung open revealing an annoyed and tired looking Minji.

 _"Where's Yooh?"_ Bora pushed past her and into the apartment. She was on a misson, her anger still boiling from a few minutes ago and needing a release, even if it was directed at the wrong person.

 _"In bed, Bora what are you-"_ Minji stood confused as Bora frantically searched all the rooms until she saw Yooh sitting up in bed, confused at all the noise.

_"Bora?"_

"You gave me the wrong key and your roommate is the _devil._ " Bora jumped on the bed, ready to tackle the girl in front of her at any moment.

" _Siyeon?_ I mean, she can be a bit cold at first but she's really nice once you get to know her." Yooh sat up against the headboard, looking slightly scared of the look in Bora's eyes.

"She pushed me off the sofa while I was asleep."

Yooh's eyebrows furrowed at this. _"Are you sure it wasn't an acciden-"_

"She called me annoying and insufferable and told me to get out."

_"Oh."_

_"Was she in the middle of another threesome?"_ Minji added, walking into the bedroom.

"A threesome?" Bora looked up at her, confused. " _Another?_ " she looked back at Yooh, who was visibly cringing while Minji laughed.

"I don't want to talk about it," Yooh said with her face in her hands. Bora could not believe what she was hearing.

" _Wait,_ you three... "

 _"WHAT? NO!"_ Yooh looked up startled, as Minji laughed even harder.

"No we didn't have a threesome with her, Yooh just walked in on her the other week." Minji explained, while rubbing Yooh's back comfortingly. 

Bora shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts. She was better off not knowing that. She just hoped not to run into this Siyeon girl again. 

"Does she go to the academy?" Yooh looked up, glad that the subject had changed.

"Yeah, she's a first year vocal student."

" _First_ year? And she had the audacity to speak to me like that?" That pissed her off even more. But at least she wouldn't have any classes with the girl.

"Don't let it bother you Bora," Minji said, shuffling over on the bed and leaning on Bora's shoulder. "The impending hangover is probably making you angrier without realising."

"Ugh, probably," Bora huffed, slumping down onto Yooh's legs and closing her eyes. The couple chuckled at her behaviour.

"Let me get you some aspirin before you go to sleep. Then you won't be such a monster to deal with in the morning. " Minji teased, walking out to the bathroom.

Bora mockingly gasped, clutching her heart dramatically, "I am offended, I'm an _angel_ in the mornings. You are both blessed to have me here."

" _Uh huh, sure,"_ Yooh hummed, patting Bora's head. They both yawned loudly.

"I'm not moving from this bed," Bora mumbled sleepily.

"Okay, but warning, you'll probably wake up to us both clinging to you like koalas."

"I don't care."

Minji came in then, to force Bora to take some aspirin and move over so there was space for them all. Bora fell straight to sleep, all the nostaligia, jealously and annoyance from the night quickly fading away.


	5. v

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bora hears siyeon sing

Siyeon didn't understand why she had to show up to auditions. She already knew she'd get in, the academy expected her to perform in every production. And after all, she didn't even have to apply to get into HFS, _they_ reached out to _her._ She honestly thought this was all a waste of her time.

Nevertheless, she asked her fans online which one of her songs she should perform for the audition and everyone had voted for Paradise. This made her smile, remembering how she used to ditch her vocal lessons and run off to write what her heart desired without someone looking over her shoulder.

She heard from the other students that it's basically unheard of for a first year to make it into these productions, so barely any of them bother to audition. However last year there was an exception. A first year dancer apparently got the special treatment and had main roles in every production last year. Siyeon expected to get the same treatment soon. She didn't like the fact that this would probably make her subject to rumours and gossip within the academy though. She always liked to lay low in public, unless she was performing.

When monday morning arrived, she reluctantly got out of bed, opting to wear one of her favourite dark red shirts with black pants. People had always gone out of their way to compliment her fashion taste, even if it leaned more on the darker side. She prided herself for that. She checked herself in the mirror, fixing her lipstick and combing a hand through her hair, before leaving.

When she arrived at the main hall, it was swarming with older students from all three departments. Siyeon looked over the sea of heads to the stage at the opposite end of the room. Various instructors and teachers seemed to be writing down the names of the students who intend to audition.

That’s when she saw her. The girl who interrupted her quiet Friday night in. Siyeon will admit now, she might have _slightly_ overreacted. She was just extremely sleep deprived and already in a sour mood after Yooh cancelled their movie marathon to go clubbing with her other friends. She regretted her rude behaviour now, especially when she saw (in this lighting) how pretty the girl really was. 

The girl in question was chatting animatedly to one of the instructors, moving her hands around as she spoke. When she laughed loudly, her eyes turned into happy crescents. Siyeon realised she was probably staring a bit too long when Dami appeared by her side, shoving her shoulder with hers. "Whatcha looking at?"

"Nothing." Her eyes darting to the floor.

"Uh huh, sure." Dami smirked knowingly at the blushing taller girl.

Siyeon tried changing the subject, "You didn't tell me you were auditioning today."

"I must have forgot. We _are_ competition now you know." Dami winked.

She was right, two first years getting in was virtually impossible. It made Siyeon feel slightly guilty, knowing that she is probably taking Dami's place. 

"Are there any first years here today?" A loud voice echoed throughout the hall. It came from an instructor behind a microphone onstage.

"Guess that's where we should be," Dami said, already on her way across the hall. Siyeon followed, acutely aware of the pretty girl from earlier, staring daggers at her. 

~~~

Bora was mad. _Why was she here?_ Yooh said she was a first year. Then, she must be especially daring or just plain stupid. Bora chose to believe the latter.

She felt eyes on her earlier, so she turned her head towards the other end of the hall and spotted her, standing next to a (kinda intimidating) tattooed girl with an unreadable expression. They both looked like bad news.

Siyeon was her name wasn't it? God, even her name annoyed her. What especially irked her however, was that she had signed up to help any first years who intended to audition this year. She was meant to give a motivational talk and watch their perfomances beforehand for any quick improvements. But God, did she regret this decision now.

To be honest, Bora didn't even know _why_ she was so mad at Siyeon right now. It might have something to do with the attractive girl bruising her ego and not liking her straight away. She still wasn't really used to not being liked, sure the occasional person thought her spolit, but most the time they were still nice to her face. Siyeon was aggressive with her words and the interaction stuck in her mind. 

As she watched Siyeon confidently walk towards the stage following her equally intimidating friend, Bora noticed again how striking she was to look at. For one, she definitely knew how to dress. She gazed down at the girl's attire and back up to her wavy blonde hair and red lipstick... this train of thought was getting dangerous.

"SuA! Come meet the first years who intend on auditioning. I already informed them of your incredible reputation." The instructor on stage interrupted her (questionable) thoughts and beckoned her up on stage, towards the small group of younger students. 

Bora sighed under her breath and made her way up, avoiding Siyeon's intense stare and flashing her signature fake smile at the instructor instead. "Of course, thank you Sir, I can take it from here."

She stared at the 7 or 8 students in front of her, and clasped her hands together, "Hello everyone, my name is SuA, I'm a second year dance student here at HFS and you've already been informed of my reputation." She flashed another enthusiastic smile at the group before continuing, "I hope you aren't deterred by the fact that rarely first years make it into the academy's productions. You all have an equal chance to get in, I assure you. The judges recognise talent when they see it and hopefully that's what you show them today."

As Bora effortlessly delivered her motivational speech, Siyeon tried fitting the pieces together. The drunken girl that broke into her apartment on the weekend, was the same dancer who performed every major role in HFS productions last year. Siyeon couldn't comprehend it at first. Those two girls were entirely different people in her mind, but here SuA was, proving her wrong. She was impressed. Very impressed.

Dami kept smirking at Siyeon beside her, knowing that this was the girl she was checking out earlier. "She's hot isn't she?" Siyeon's eyes widened at the comment, turning to the shorter girl. "I didn't think you liked women," was the first thought that came out of her mouth.

"Just because I said you weren't my type, doesn't mean I'm straight." Siyeon poked Dami in the side, making her laugh, "Plus I'm wearing a flannel _and_ a beanie right now. You must be blind," Dami added teasingly.

"Well I don't have my glasses on today," Siyeon smiled, looking up in front of her again when she realised all eyes were on her and Dami. SuA's speech had stopped, and Siyeon gulped nervously after realising why. 

"Am I boring you Siyeon? Is that why you'd rather talk over me?" 

_How does she know my name?_ was her only coherent thought at that moment. Her cheeks flushed in embarrassment. The sound of her name coming from SuA's lips made her feel a type of way. But this was _not_ the time.

" _Now_ you stop talking?" 

Siyeon tried piecing her words together until she registered that tone. That same insufferable tone from the other night that knew _exactly_ how to get on her nerves. 

Dami could sense Siyeon's jaw clench and certain words about to be said that won't be able to be taken back.

"We're both sorry for interrupting your speech unnie, please continue, it won't happen again." Dami pinched Siyeon's arm, eliciting a small yelp from the taller girl.

Bora registered the tattooed girl's words for a moment, then without another word continued where she left off, avoiding Siyeon's hostile stare. "If any of you would like some last minute criticism or feedback on your performances, I am here to help. Your time slot starts at 11am, and I have the order that you will perform written down here for you all to read. You all have just over an hour for any last minute practice in the private rooms behind you. Any questions?" 

"Yes," before Dami could stop her Siyeon continued, "what gives you the right to critique our performances? You aren't a judge, and you specialise in dancing so how are you qualified to "help" with my vocal performance? Or an acting performance even?" Siyeon spoke, loud enough for all the group to hear. Dami sighed defeatedly.

This left Bora speechless for a moment. Then Siyeon, had the audacity to _smirk._ As if she was better than her. This really riled Bora up.

"I've undergone training in all three departments before getting into this academy so I'm qualified for this position I assure you, otherwise the instructors wouldn't have given it to me. Now Siyeon-"

"-Now SuA I'm not too sure about that, your reputation precedes you. Just a mediocre student that's been given the special treatment. Why else would a first year get _every_ main role production after production? Is there a secret to success you're not telling us? Because I'm genuinely curious, I think we all are." Siyeon couldn't help herself. The fire in her chest kept rising, wanting to say more, not wanting to stop, until she felt Dami twist her arm.

Bora couldn't believe it. The _nerve_ of this girl. What had she done to deserve this? She didn't deserve this. If she wasn't in a professional setting right now, Siyeon would already have a black eye.

"Everything okay over here SuA? Shouldn't you be reviewing these students performances in the practice rooms by now?" A nearby teacher had overheard Siyeon and made his way over to the group, inconspicuously standing between both of them. 

"Yes Sir," Bora said through gritted teeth. "Anyone who wants my help can follow me to the rooms on the left. If you don't need my help make sure to stay within close distance to the hall and be back by 11am sharp." Bora looked back to Siyeon once more, mouthing a quiet "fuck you" before leaving the hall with the majority of the group behind her. 

Dami stayed behind with Siyeon, giving her an unreadable look. "What?" Siyeon asked innocently, most of her anger dissipating as SuA left and the feeling of _winning_ something flooded her veins.

"What happened to wanting to be more like me? I wouldn't have lashed out like that."  
"She humiliated me." Siyeon shrugged, looking around the hall for the nearest exit.  
"She didnt earn that harsh personal attack Siyeon, you know it."  
"She annoys me," was all Siyeon could give in response. "Let's grab something to eat, I skipped breakfast for this stupid audition only for it to be in another hour." Siyeon started walking to the nearest canteen, Dami following close behind her.

"How do you both know eachother? She knew you by name." The shorter girl was still curious about what happened, not satisfied by the answers she'd been given.  
"I don't know how she knows my name." Siyeon answered honestly, slightly curious about this fact, but brushing the feeling off quickly.

As they entered the canteen, she spotted Yooh eating with her girlfriend. Truthfully she only recognised Minji's face from the countless times Yooh had shown her pictures of them together, gushing about how _perfect_ she was. The fact that they hadn't ran into eachother yet in their apartment building was a bit unusual but Siyeon chalks it up to their schedules probably being different.

"Siyeon! Hey, come sit with us!" The invite made her smile, she hadn't seen Yooh all weekend and she had started to miss her. _Wow,_ she never thought that would happen. Minji didn't look too happy when Siyeon approached with Dami following silently. 

"Hey Yooh," Siyeon sat down opposite the couple, "and Minji unnie, it's nice to finally meet you in person instead of listening to Yooh gush about you endlessly." 

Yooh smacked at her, Siyeon laughing at her pouting roommate. The exchange made Minji relax a little, a small smile creeping up on her face.

"It's nice to meet you too Siyeon, Yooh tells me _a lot_ about what you get up to," Minji teased, making Siyeon's jaw drop. "How much does she tell you?" 

The couple both started giggling, making Siyeon blush with slight embarrassment. 

"Please tell me what she's done, so I can embarrass her too," Dami said, sitting next to the couple. "I'm Dami by the way, thanks for introducing me Siyeon, I really appreciate it." This made the couple laugh, their initial apprehension of the intimidating girl easing straight away. 

"A drunk sweaty _screaming_ threesome that woke me up." Yooh said loudly. Siyeon squeaked, and covered her face with her hands as Dami hit the table with her hand laughing uncontrollably. "How did you even know it was a threesome?" She managed to say between laughs. 

"Yooh walked in on them," Minji added, amused by Siyeon's embarrassed reaction. This girl didn't seem like the type to argue with Bora, she seemed harmless. Cute even. 

Dami's laugh pierced their ears again, "I didn't think you had it in you Siyeon, wow." Siyeon looked up from between her fingers trying to calm down her blushing cheeks. "All of you, shut up," she grumbled. 

"Okay okay, but I will definitely be using this against you in the future," Dami said resolutely after containing her laughter. 

For the next hour, all four girls got to know each other better over mediocre canteen food. They all found out about Dami's slight panda obsession, and that Minji can eat 4 bananas in under a minute. Siyeon came to realise quickly how much she loved their company. She was glad she came today.

Time flew by so fast that they were almost late to auditions. The couple waved them both goodbye. "Good luck you two, I hope you both get in!" Minji yelled, as the girls almost ran towards the main hall.

~~~

Bora sat in the front row behind the judges with her arms crossed. The interaction from earlier still fresh in her mind with those words replaying every few seconds, _just a mediocre student that's been given the special treatment._

If only that insolent girl knew how many awards she won before she came to this academy, how she was top of her class _every. damn. year._ The millions of views she gets online, and the countless practice hours she puts in until her body is bruised and her feet start to bleed.

Usually comments like this don't get to her. They really don't. So why is this so different? Why does she want to cry and punch a wall at the same time? This internal struggle only grew when she saw Siyeon run into the hall 10 minutes late _just_ as her name was called. Lucky bitch.

"Lee Siyeon what song will you be performing for us today?" 

"One of my own Sir, it's called Paradise." Bora rolled her eyes.

"Okay then, good luck." 

The girl on stage held the mic in her hand, as the music filled the room. Bora kept her eyes fixed on her, desperately wanting her to fail, to be terrible and judged accordingly. But sadly that possibility flew out the window as soon as Siyeon sang her first few notes. _Fuck._

" _Look for a place where you can breathe  
Where there are no painful tears_" 

Bora desperately tried to deny how impressed she felt, pushing down the feeling every time it arose with each note Siyeon sang. _How could someone's voice sound like that?_ So powerful yet soft, husky but smooth, raw and effortless. The sound washed over her like a tidal wave, she loved it and hated it at the same time.

" _In front of your blurred eyes  
Paradise_"

Bora was so close to forgetting about all the harsh words that left Siyeon's lips. She wanted to replace those words with lyrics to songs she wished to hear her sing. Songs she desperately wanted to dance to. Siyeon's voice _didn't waver once._ Her stage presence was incredible, performing comes naturally to her, anyone could tell. The judges definitely did if their impressed looks were anything to go by. 

She displayed all the song's emotions perfectly on her face, body and being. _And didn’t she write it herself?_

Bora thinks of all the vocalists she's met so far at the academy, hell, she think of _every singer she's ever heard,_ and Siyeon beats them all. With ease.

For those three minutes Bora can't think straight. She doesn't realise her nails digging into the armrest, or how intense her stare is when Siyeon's eyes meet hers. Loud applause can be heard around them both but it's barely acknowledged as Bora wonders what it would be like - to be as talented as her.

Siyeon noticed SuA in the rows of students, staring. She can't read her expression, but knows she watched her, knows she _felt_ it. The pride of surprising and impressing the gorgeous girl made her smile. 

Bora did not smile back.


	6. vi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> siyeon apologises

As expected, the judges informed Siyeon that she was the only first year to make it past the audition. Dami didn't think much of the rejection however and continued poking and teasing Siyeon like before. Nothing had changed, except that their friendship now included Yooh and Minji. After that day in the canteen, they all started to hang out more between their classes. They would all eat together and watch movies at Yooh and Siyeon's apartment until dawn.

Dami really liked this. She didn't have too many friends at the academy, due to her intimidating look and overall quietness. So she was grateful Siyeon approached that day, so many weeks ago, so that they were all together now. (Not that she would ever tell Siyeon that.) 

One night, the four girls were sat on Minji's bathroom floor, a little tipsy, helping Dami dye her hair blue over the sink. Though Minji was the only one helping. Yooh and Siyeon were giggling on the floor looking at a picture of a frog. 

"What are you both laughing at?" Dami asked, turning her head.

"Stop moving! Or do you want your forehead to be stained blue?" Minji asked, applying more dye on her gloves, slightly too tipsy for this but still the most sober.

Siyeon showed Dami the picture of the frog and Dami laughed so hard Minji dropped dye on her jeans. "Dami! What did I _just_ say?" 

"Sorry mother Minji," Dami mumbled, which made them all laugh, even Minji despite herself. 

Yooh stumbled up off the floor to take another few sips of Soju from the bottle on the shelf. But of course she tripped over herself, almost falling into the bathtub which caused Siyeon to burst into another fit of laughter, clutching her stomach on the floor.

"Stop laughing at me you asshole I could have _died._ " Yooh's very serious stare made her laugh even more. 

"Would I get the apartment to myself?" She teased. "No, I'd haunt you."

Dami tried her best to stay still. She looked in the mirror, watching Minji concentrate on her hair. It was looking good she thought. She had wanted a change for a while now.

"Damiiiiii," Yooh slurred, leaning haphazardly against the bathroom door.  
"Yesssssss? " Dami teased, catching her curious gaze in the mirror.  
"Which one of your tattoos is for your soulmate?" 

When Yooh was drunk, she loved asking questions. But she also didn't think before speaking, much like Siyeon. This wasn't a great mix at times.

Luckily Dami smiled knowingly, as if she had heard the question a thousand times, "That's a secret."

" _Ughhhhhh_ why?" Yooh whined, sliding back down to sit on the bath mat next to (an equally curious) Siyeon.

Dami laughed at the girl's behaviour and started to explain. "When I meet my soulmate, I want her to get to know me first, and not know I'm her soulmate straight away. I don't want to feel like she loves me because that's what the universe has _told her to do._ " The girls were listening intently as she continued. "Plus, I hated having such a visible tattoo when I was younger, I was scared I would find my soulmate around any corner and I wasn't ready. At least now I'm kind of in control."

"Yeah, I remember that scared feeling. Thinking I would meet my soulmate around every corner. It was nerve wrecking." Yooh said thoughtfully with Minji nodding in understanding.

"What about you Siyeon?" Dami asked curiously.

"I might just cover mine up completely so my soulmate never finds out," Siyeon joked, stealing the Soju from Yooh and taking a large gulp. She was not used to talking about herself and soulmates.

"Why?" Minji asked, putting down the bottle of dye. She was genuinely curious why someone would avoid meeting their soulmate like that. Siyeon hesitantly looked up at the three pairs of curious eyes staring at her.

"I just don't believe soulmates are as perfect as they are made out to be, and love always fades." Siyeon said without thinking. She then quickly saw Yooh's worried expression directed at her girlfriend. 

"Okay maybe not always, I'm sure you and Minji will be together forever," she added reasurringly, "but for me, I don't think I could stay with one person for the rest of my life." 

Yooh visibly calmed down, while Minji stared at Siyeon, trying to process her words. 

"Are you poly?" Dami asked.  
"No, I just think I'd get bored."

Siyeon hadn't spoken about this with anyone but her parents before. And she was never honest with them since they expected her soulmate to be a man. But now she started to feel a small weight lift off her chest when she saw the girls' listening to her without judgement. Something about the way they were looking at her, (and probably the alcohol) made her continue.

"I hate not being in control. I despise it. Why can't it be _me_ to choose who my soulmate is? Surely I know myself better than the universe does." 

Dami nodded. "I get you." 

"I used to feel like that too," Minji added, sitting on the edge of the bathtub. "It was scary finding Yooh that night. I wasn't expecting it. Hell, I didn't even know I liked women before I found her. My whole world was turned upside down and it was overwhelming. I didn't think I was ready. But Yooh was incredibly understanding, and knew how to handle all my feelings. She is perfect for me. The universe just knew it before I did." 

Yooh's face lit up hearing those words. She smiled brightly at her girlfriend, hearts in her eyes. Minji smiled back and continued,

"After a little while, this beautiful feeling of contentment took over me and everything just fell into place. I don't know if it feels like that for everyone, but I do believe that when you find your soulmate, all that worry will wash away." 

Dami and Siyeon wanted to believe Minji, but the worry they felt was too real. The thought that all that fear just magically disappears sounded too good to be true. 

Yooh sensed their apprehension and smiled at them both. "Hey, don't worry about it guys. I'm sure you'll find them and be instantly swept off your feet. Then I'll tease you both for being as whipped as I am." 

"I'm not a simp!" Siyeon said, poking Yooh in the side.

"No, you definitely are. When we were watching Avengers earlier, how many times did you propose to Black Widow through the screen? At least twelve." Minji teased, earning laughs from the girls.

"Siyeon, no matter how hard you try to look intimidating, you're a big softie just like Yooh." Dami stated. The couple nodded their heads in agreement.

Siyeon pouted, further prooving Dami's point. "Shut up," she grumbled, picking up the bottle of Soju and drinking until there was barely any left. 

"Hey! I wanted some! " Minji squealed, grabbing the bottle from Siyeon and drinking the last few sips, despite the pouting girl's protests. 

Minji's phone buzzed next to her girlfriend on the floor. "Babe, It's a text from Bora," Yooh said, passing the phone over and promptly falling back on Siyeon's legs. 

Minji read the message, as Dami set a timer on her phone for her hair dye.

"She wants to hang out," Minji said, looking conflictedly down at Siyeon, waiting for the girls' response.

But Siyeon only knew Bora by her stage name. She didn't understand why Minji was looking at her like that. "What? Invite her over if you want, its your apartment anyway. I don't mind. Do you mind Dami?" 

"Nope," Dami said, pushing back any stray hairs she could find in the mirror.

Yooh and Minji looked at each other, confused. "Siyeon, this is the Bora who you met that night because I gave her the wrong key to our apartment. Have you both made up now?" 

Oh. _Her real name was Bora._ Siyeon completely forgot she was friends with Minji. That was the reason she mistakenly entered her apartment in the first place. Why was this girl constantly full of surprises? Siyeon was getting tired of it.

And how was she even supposed to respond? _Have you both made up now?_ Siyeon barely knew the girl, (and honestly didn't _want_ to get to know her.) Since practice for the production had started, she barely noticed her around. She may be attractive but it seemed Siyeon wouldn't be able to have a conversation with her without getting _extremely_ irritated. And to be honest, she didn't even know why. Some people just knew how to push her buttons more than others.

"What even happened that night anyway?" Minji interrupted Siyeon's thoughts. The older girl remembered what Bora had told her, (and she believed her wholeheartedly) but she wanted to hear Siyeon's side of the story now. After getting to know the secretly soft girl, she couldn't fathom her being that rude to anyone. 

Siyeon looked up at Minji with a regretful expression. "I overreacted. I was just sleep deprived and suprised by her, that's all."

Honestly, Siyeon always came to regret her words after lashing out. Sometimes it just took a while. She knew Bora probably didn't deserve it but it _definitely_ didn't help that the feisty girl would fight back. It was like fighting fire with fire.

Siyeon knew she had to learn to control herself, even if she hated being controlled. She had acted like this since she was young, but now it was something she was working on, and she was grateful she had Dami to help her.

Minji looked into Siyeon's eyes, realising the girl regretted her actions. That was enough for Minji, but Bora had to see it too. She deserved an apology, Minji thought. She took her phone and sent Bora a message.

"I've invited her over so you can apologise. Then we can all watch some more movies together." Siyeon's jaw dropped. "You did _what?_ "

Minji had already made up her mind. "I invited her over. You said you didn't mind earlier, do you mind Dami?"

Minji turned to the slightly blue haired girl, who looked amused at Siyeon's reaction. "Nope, not at all."

"Then it's settled." Minji clasped her hands together and began to clear the hair supplies away from the bathroom.

"Oh my god," Siyeon put her head in her hands. 

How was she meant to apologise to a girl that probably hates her guts? Bora had every right to not listen to her. Did Siyeon even _want_ to mend things with her? Would that mean it wouldn't just be the four of them anymore but _five?_ Siyeon didn't like this idea.

Sure, she felt guilty after what she said to Bora before her audition. She went too far. But she can't guarantee that she won't snap at her again. And isn't that what an apology should be? A promise never to make the same mistake again? Siyeon didn't know how to do this.

"C'mon Siyeon, do it for me and Minji at least. She's our friend, and you both may have got off on the wrong foot, but I'm sure once you get to know eachother, you'll both like eachother." Yooh was always trying to be the optimist in these situations. 

"It's not a big deal Siyeon," Dami said off-handedly, flicking through her phone. 

"Dami, Bora is SuA. She definitely won't listen to me after what I said to her at auditions." Siyeon sighed, looking up at the (now concerned) girl's face.

"Oh...you're probably right." Dami said worriedly.

Yooh and Minji looked between both the girls in confusion. 

"What do you mean? What happened at auditions? Bora never told me anything." Minji said, desperately wanting to know what they were talking about. 

Bora had messaged her that she was on her way a few minutes ago and Minji started to regret not telling her Siyeon was here.

"I insulted her talent and said she'd been given the special treatment," Siyeon mumbled regretfully. She didn't want Minji to see that side of her. She may have only befriended her a few weeks ago but she didn't want to lose her now. She might even lose Yooh too. She really didn't want that.

" _You what?_ " Minji was shocked. Siyeon said that to her best friend? _This_ Siyeon? 

Yooh looked at Siyeon confused too. She knew her roommate had a short temper at times but not like this.

Dami's phone vibrated, interrupting the tense atmosphere. It was the timer for her hair dye.

"I gotta wash out my hair, Minji could you help me?" She wanted to distract the older girl, and give Siyeon some time to explain herself (if she could).

She turned the showerhead on and Minji reluctantly turned away from Siyeon to help the girl. She didn't want to get mad at Siyeon, she could tell she regretted it. But Bora was her best friend and she knew about the rumours circulating about her in the academy. Usually Bora wasn't phased by these comments but they infuriated Minji. She's been by Bora's side since they were kids and she knows how hard she worked to get where she is today. Siyeon was wrong, Bora deserved everything she's achieved.

Yooh sensed how Minji felt and flashed her a small reassuring smile and turned to Siyeon, "We can tell you regret saying that, but Bora probably doesn't. So apologise when she gets here and hopefully we will all be drinking and watching movies together by the end of the night," Yooh said optimistically, patting Siyeon on the back.

"I doubt it," Siyeon said with a sigh. She really couldn't be bothered to do this right now. 

Suddenly all four of them heard a loud knock coming from outside. _Fuck._

~~~

Bora was starving. She had been dancing for hours nonstop today and needed to chill and eat something with her best friend. She bought some greasy takeout food on the way to her apartment. Assuming Yooh would be there she brought some of the girl's favourite snacks too.

When Minji finally opened the door, Bora noticed she smelt strongly of bleach and alcohol. But before she could question it, Minji pushed Bora back into the hallway and closed the door behind both of them. "Minji, what the-" 

"You aren't going to like this but you remember Siyeon? Yooh's roommate? Well we have gotten to know her more these past few weeks and she's actually really nice, also her friend Dami is cool but besides the point, basically Siyeon is inside and wants to apologise to you about everything, including about what she said to you at auditions - which I had to find out _myself_ and not from _you_ by the way-"

"Siyeon is in there?"

"Yes."

"And she wants to apologise?"

"Yes."

 _You've got to be kidding me_ she thought. All she wanted was to lie down and watch some cheesy movies with her friends. Bora sighed loudly, wanting to stomp her feet in frustration. She was too tired for this.

Truthfully, Siyeon had been playing on her mind a little too much these past few weeks. After finding out the younger girl had passed the audition, ( _there was no way she wouldn't with that angelic voice_ she thought) she had avoided her like the plague. Every practice session she made sure not to mingle with the vocal students unless absolutely necessary. Thankfully Siyeon didn't seem to notice, opting to practice mostly alone, and in separate rooms from the group. 

She didn't know why her eyes kept searching for her every time she arrived to practice. She felt relieved and disappointed at the same time when Siyeon would leave the room. Bora was conflicted.

She regretted searching Siyeon's name on YouTube one night to remember what her voice sounded like. _Why did that beautiful voice have to come from a person like her?_

Bora was tired. Not just physically, but from all these conflicting thoughts clashing inside her brain. She was sick of it. It was distracting. _She_ was distracting. Bora couldn't even finish her assigned piece today, because she kept listening to one of Siyeon's covers every ten minutes to dance to, planning out new choreography in her head.

Bora hated how unproductive she was being. She hated this whole blurry situation. She couldn't make sense of it. And now the same girl that's been plaguing her thoughts for weeks, is here to ruin the rest of her day. _Perfect._

"Hello? Bora? Are you going to come in and at least give her a chance?" Minji's voice brought her back to earth. The exhaustion of the day and walking up those 8 flights of stairs finally getting to her, she really didn't want to go all the way back home right now. 

" _Fine._ " 

~~~

Yooh finished trying to wash out Dami's hair despite her drunkenness, then dragged Siyeon into the living room. She left Dami to dry her hair in the bathroom, sitting on the sofa next to her roommate. Yooh tried reading her features, but couldn't make out what the girl was feeling.

"Don't worry too much, Bora can be a bit scary at times, but not with us here." Yooh said, leaning her head on the blonde's shoulder. 

"I can be a bit scary too," Siyeon said lowly, head turned towards the front door of the apartment. 

Minji walked in first, carrying two bags of food in her hands with a smile on her face. She layed it on the table, looking up at the girls on the sofa.

"Bora brought food to share guys!"  
"No I didn't-"  
"Yes she did." 

Siyeon looked up at Bora, and for the first time _truely_ appreciated the girl's effortless beauty. Her messy dark hair was tied back in a ponytail, with wisps escaping, framing her face and sticking to her forehead. Her cheeks were red and her eyebrows pinched together looking at Minji with an annoyed expression, hands on her hips. This girl didn't even have to try. She was stunning.

Everything about Bora's body language screamed _I'm a dancer._ Her toned legs and stomach were on full display. Her tight black shorts accentuated her curves, and her long sleeves hugged her wrists. Siyeon wanted to soak up every detail she could before reaching Bora's eyes. Before having to speak. Maybe it was the alcohol finally getting to her, but Siyeon wanted nothing more than to kiss her until she couldn't breathe.

Their eyes met but this time there was no fire behind them. Siyeon looked awestruck. Bora looked tired.

"Hey." Bora spoke first. No harsh tone or underlying sarcasm. Just _hey._  
"Hi." Siyeon sounded breathless, (she definitely was.) 

Bora stood there, in the same spot, waiting for Siyeon to just get this shitty apology over with so she could eat, barely registering the dumbstruck look on the girl's face. Siyeon didn't know what to say.

Yooh elbowed her in the rib, waking her up from her daze. She noticed Bora looking impatient, and decided just to say the first thing that popped into her head, "You're gorgeous." Bora arched her eyebrow. Okay, that was definitely not the best thing to say in this situation.

"Is this how you apologise? Because it's not working for me." She crossed her arms staring down at the slightly drunken girl on the sofa, deciding maybe she wasn't too tired now to listen to what Siyeon had to say. Especially if she was about to make a fool of herself.

"I'm sorry." 

"I don't believe you, try again."

"I don't think before I speak. I know I shouldn't use that as an excuse, but I'm working on it. I don't even know _why_ I said the things I said, but I regret saying them. I barely even know you, so I shouldn't be making these stupid judgements. I _am_ sorry."

"That was still shit, give me another one." Bora smirked down at the struggling blonde. She liked having her like this, being in control. Siyeon hated it. 

"What do you want me to say?" Siyeon was growing frustrated, when she saw Bora looking down at her with an amused expression on her face.

"Why don't you like me? Truthfully."

"Is it really so rare for someone to just not like you? "

"Answer the question."

Siyeon narrowed her eyes at Bora, she wasn't used to being challenged like this. The other girls stayed quiet, watching the exchange intently. You could cut the tension with a knife.

"You're loud and you get on my nerves. You're confident, cocky and attractive, so maybe I envy you a bit. Is that what you want to hear? Is your ego boosted enough now?"

"Yep. That's exactly what I wanted to hear." Bora had to push down the butterflies in her stomach.

Siyeon couldn't believe she just said that, _do I actually envy her?_ she thought. Honestly she didn't know how to feel. Bora wore a satisfied smile as she hopped onto the sofa opposite Siyeon, opening a box of noodles.

The girls stayed quiet until Dami came out of the bathroom, towel drying her hair. "What did I miss?"

Bora turned to face the blue haired girl and smiled, "Nothing, I brought food if you want some. You're Dami right?"

This change in Bora's attitude didn't go unnoticed. The tension in the room seemed to ease slightly. Minji and Yooh smiled at eachother and they both started tucking in to the boxes on the table.

Dami nodded at Bora and gave her a polite _thank you unnie,_ before sitting next to Siyeon, helping herself to the snacks. Minji turned on the TV and started scrolling for a movie to watch, telling Yooh _no, we aren't watching Peter Pan again._ Siyeon felt out of place. Should she eat? Should she go back to her apartment?

"Siyeon, eat." Bora said, keeping her eyes on the TV. Siyeon shyly took a chocolate snack from the table and started to eat, making the rest of the girls laugh.

They both said nothing else to each other for the rest of the night. Bora kept her eyes away from Siyeon. She didn't know what to make of the blonde's words from earlier, her exhaustion stopping her from her usual overthinking. She remembered what Yooh said about Siyeon being cold at first but truly nice. Bora wasn't sure she'd go as far as to call her _nice_ yet, but she was definitely much different from the girl who insulted her at auditions. 

This Siyeon was much calmer and relaxed. She really got along with Yooh and Minji, which surprised Bora. They would all tease eachother back and forth without the least bit of meanness. So why was Bora so different? 

Dami surprised her too, the blue haired girl wasn't like what her appearance lead Bora to believe. She was laid back and extremely funny, making Bora almost snort noodles out of her nose a number of times.

Meanwhile, Siyeon tried to forget Bora was in the room. It was impossible but she tried her best anyway. Otherwise she was afraid she might say something stupid again, along the lines of _how did I not notice how gorgeous you were before?_

As it got later, Siyeon and Dami decided to go back to the apartment next door to sleep. Yooh stayed with Minji and Bora, (who was already asleep on the sofa.) Siyeon took one last glance at the sleeping girl before she left and couldn't help but smile. She'll admit it, Bora was cute. At least when she wasn't trying to rile her up.

When Siyeon got to bed that night, her mind was still wide awake. The alcohol had worn off some time ago now but surprisingly she was still thinking of Bora. She thought of the beautiful girl challenging her, teasing her, kissing her. Siyeon knew this was a bad idea, to entertain such inappropriate fantasies of Minji's best friend. But she couldn't stop herself, no matter how hard she tried.

Maybe she wouldn't mind getting to know Bora. What's the worst that could happen?


	7. vii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bora breaks down while siyeon distracts herself

Happy Face Seoul commonly known as HFS academy, is known to host a number of productions each year, inviting the most influential people and companies from around the world. Students are given full creative freedom to write, produce and perform anything their heart's desire. They all work together, the actors vocalists and dancers, to create a performance worth watching. The actors would act out an original story, accompanied by the dancers, with their original choreography. The vocalists would write the soundtrack and perform it live alongside the performance. 

These unique productions is what made Bora apply to HFS. Shortly after moving to Seoul with Minji, they had been given tickets by a friend of theirs for her birthday. Tickets to these events were quite expensive and hard to come by, so Bora was elated. Her and Minji watched the performance in awe, as students danced amazingly to the influential crowd. Bora wanted this recognition, needed these opportunities.

When she got in, she auditioned for the first production of the year. She could still vividly remember practicing until sunrise the nights before. Her body looked bruised and beaten by the time she stood in front of the judges. But her nervousness faded away as soon as the music started to play, letting the notes wash over her. Everything else became a blur, the only thing she could focus on was her body. 

She was the only first year to get into that production. The older students congratulated her and made her feel welcome. And then she got into the next one, the students said they were surprised to see her back so soon. Then a third, the students smiles were laced in suspicion. Bora knew what it looked like. They probably wondered who she was sleeping with to get through each audition.

Bora didn't know why she got in every time. She wanted to believe in her talent, but this required more than that. She needed connections; connections that she didn't have. Did someone high up in the academy already know her? She was curious, but didn't know how to find the answer. Who would she ask? _What_ would she ask? She would have to swallow her pride and admit she didn't believe she could have achieved this by herself on talent and hard work alone. And she wasn't ready to admit that. She clung onto the small hope that she was enough. That she was special.

This was now the fourth production she got in to. The older students were now used to her at practice and didn't bother to welcome or congratulate her like they did with the others. Bora tried not to let it get to her, and instead started to work. She had so many ideas for new choreography, so she spent hours practicing and conversing with the fellow dancers about what they wanted to perform. Thankfully they were all respectful and we're still able to work together. Except Soojin.

Soojin was a second year dancer, in the same classes as Bora. They never got along. Soojin's aloof and _I'm too good to talk to you_ persona didn't vibe well with Bora's loud and extroverted nature. Mostly, Soojin hated coming second. Bora was still top of her classes, many teachers and students considered Bora to be a more talented dancer than the other. They both clashed on group projects and during practice. Bora grew sick of the petty arguments and comments so she started to ignore Soojin completely. She became unbothered by the girl's glares every time she spoke up in class. But this time she couldn't ignore her. Soojin had passed the auditions, and now they _had_ to work together.

Bora didn't appreciate this negativity. Especially on top of the confusing situation happening with a certain introverted singer at the other end of the hall. 

Siyeon had stopped practicing alone. Bora had noticed the singer started talking with the other older vocalists, getting feedback on her songwriting she assumed. The dancer found herself watching her. She saw the blonde biting the end of her pen, staring at the paper in front of her in deep thought. Her eyebrows pinched together slightly and she looked like she was whispering possible lyrics under her breath. Bora couldn't help but smile at the sight.

She wondered what Siyeon was writing next. She wondered what parts she would sing. The sheer idea of being able to dance to her voice soon gave Bora chills. She desperately wanted to hear the girl sing live again. She craved to see her up on stage, conveying all the emotions Bora wish she could convey through dance. She remembered how her body reacted at auditions, her heart leapt with each high note, her breath hitched after understanding each line's meaning. Bora was addicted to that voice. 

She still hadn't spoken to her since that night at Minji's. Bora remembers falling asleep on the sofa and waking up with Siyeon gone. The blonde's apologetic drunken words rang in her mind, making her smile to herself in the empty living room. Small moments like this made her completely forget their first conversations. Bora didn't know exactly what she wanted, but at the very least she wanted to hear her sing again.

So she waited. She waited to see if Siyeon would sing, even if it was quietly to the other vocalists around her. She even turned down the sample music she was practicing to so she could possible hear her at the other end of the hall. Yes, it was technically eavesdropping and maybe a bit creepy but Bora didn't know how to ask the girl. She didn't want to admit what her voice does to her. 

But Siyeon didn't sing. She stayed on stage writing and talking with the other students. And Bora soon grew impatient. Her dancing became sloppy. She was unable to think of new moves to add or keep up with the others. Soojin clearly noticed this and started putting forward new ideas to replace Bora's. The dancers agreed with the red haired girl, and Bora soon felt even more isolated than before.

She went home that day from practice, frustrated and lonely. She sat in front of the TV without turning it on and thought in silence. Inevitably that lead to her thinking about her soulmate. Where was he? She needed him right now. He would be able to support her with all of this. He would be able to help her understand all these conflicting feelings. She wanted a shoulder to lean on. Sure, she had Minji but she was probably cuddling in bed with _her_ soulmate right now.

Bora couldn't stop herself anymore. She started to cry. The sound of her sobs filled the empty room, making her feel even more pathetic. She knew she was strong but she needed someone to be weak with. She wanted to be loved, wholly and unconditionally for everything she was. She didn't just want another night or two with a man who finds her pretty but thinks her laugh is too loud. She couldn't stand to go on another date with a guy who loves her cooking but hates how provocatively she dances online. She wanted her other half. She wanted the love of her life. 

She cried so hard until her head ached and throat burned. Maybe asking for her soulmate was too much to ask for right now she thought. She just wanted a hug; and if that was also too much to ask, then a hand to hold. 

~~~

After practice, Siyeon went to the nearest club she could find. All afternoon she had felt Bora staring at her from across the hall and it distracted her from writing. Having those intense dark eyes focused on her made her feel hot and tense.

She saw the dancer practicing and getting frustrated with the students around her. Maybe she was stressed, Siyeon thought. A part of her wanted to go up to Bora and ask if she was okay, but her mind was holding her back. Irrational thoughts like _she doesn't want to listen to you after that shit apology_ and _you'll probably both argue as soon as you start to speak_ stopped Siyeon from approaching her.

Why did she even care all of a sudden? After that night at Minji's, Siyeon's thoughts were clouded with visions of Bora. She stopped practicing alone so she could catch a few glimpses of her dancing. Bora took her breath away. Siyeon's eyes followed every movement of the girl's body, drinking her in, wanting nothing more than to reach out and touch her. To feel that body against her own, writhing beneath her between the sheets.

These inappropriate fantasies distracted her all day. Now she was a frustrated and tense mess. She needed a pretty girl to fuck her senseless until she forgot Bora's name. When she got downtown and entered the dingy club, she instantly spotted a girl that would do the trick. 

Minnie was a fellow singer in her class, who would annoy Siyeon by constantly answering every question the teachers asked. There were rumours however, that she descended from Thai royalty and was extremely rich, (not to mention pretty enough to make anyone drool.) Siyeon knew that after a couple of drinks, she would forget how the girl would annoy her. So she asked her to dance.

The night was filled with flirty drunken words and _not-too-gentle_ touches. Siyeon's gaze was hungry, watching Minnie's every movement under the flashing lights. She had to ignore the voice in the back of to her head telling her _bora dances better._

Siyeon kissed the girl in front of her with all the force she had, bruising their lips, desperately wanting to be closer. Minnie kissed her back even harder, pushing her back against the nearest wall, making Siyeon dizzy with desire.

"Come back to my place," Minnie whispered against her lips, her tone dripping seduction, making Siyeon's knees weak. This is what Siyeon loved. This is what she was good at. Why would anyone want a soulmate when you could have this? The freedom to fuck anyone. 

At her apartment, Minnie bruised Siyeon's body in all her favourite places. Beautiful moans and curses echoed throughout the bedroom. Siyeon could only wish to write a song that sounded this good.

Minnie grasped at the expensive sheets as Siyeon trailed kisses down her stomach, and up her thighs. She noticed the familiar lack of a dreamcatcher tattoo, convincing herself it didn't bother her (even if her chest stung for a second.)

Siyeon looked up and met Minnie's eyes, teasing her with her tongue.  
_Her gaze wasn't as intense as Bora's._

Minnie arched her back, shut her eyes and moaned Siyeon's name again and again.  
_Bora would be louder._

Minnie's hands tangled in her hair, pulling her impossibly closer as she came.  
_Would Bora taste even sweeter?_

Minnie smiled, catching her breath, "that was- _wow._ " Her words pulled Siyeon out of her daze. _What was she thinking?_ Siyeon tried smiling back, but it didn't reach her eyes. She had _never_ thought of somebody else during sex before. What was Bora doing to her?

Siyeon lied down beside Minnie and looked up at the beautiful ceiling above them. She listened to the girl's soft breathing slow down, until she was certain she was asleep. Without sparing her a last glance, she got up quietly and started picking up her clothes from the floor. She had to leave before her confusing thoughts consumed her.

Siyeon ran down the stairs of the expensive apartment complex, and into the fresh night air. The cold made her cheeks and nose red, her heavy breathing creating smoke. She looked around and checked her phone, _3:32am._

_What was Bora doing right now?_ Siyeon thought. Is she asleep? Drunk at some club? Fucking someone else? Siyeon hated this. She hated not knowing. Why did she care? Maybe if she fucked her then she wouldn't be on her mind anymore.

Siyeon slowly made her way back to her apartment, hoping Yooh wasn't awake so she wouldn't have to face her looking like this. She was sure her neck looked like it had been attacked. 

The streetlamps painted the pavement in a soft glow, making Siyeon feel like she was in a drama. A strong wave of loneliness washed over her then. She wasn't a stranger to the feeling but it hit her hard this time. She was missing something that she never had. Her chest felt heavy and a unfamiliar ache took over her heart. Thankfully exhaustion won over, making Siyeon crave the warmth of her bed rather than the warmth of a certain dancer's smile.


	8. viii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bora realising she might not be straight and siyeon getting into trouble

Bora wasn’t doing well. She had stopped socialising for the past week. She tried telling herself she wasn’t doing it on purpose and that she just had a lot of work to do in regards to her classes and the upcoming production. Truthfully, she was sick and tired of seeing people with their soulmates or even people just coping better at being alone. 

She hadn’t seen or spoken to Minji in days so she wasn’t surprised when she got a message from her saying that she was coming over to her apartment to check if she was alive. Bora had to admit, she had missed her best friend.

When Minji showed up at the door with her signature happy smile and chicken screwers, Bora melted a little inside. These past gloomy days had been hell for the usually extroverted girl. 

Both of them had sat on the sofa, the tv in the background playing dance covers on YouTube. “Where’s Yooh?”

“Practising her Chinese with Handong,” Minji answered, taking a bite of chicken. Bora took some for herself, trying to ignore the low hum of jealously knotting in her chest.

“I like what you’ve done with the place,” Minji looked around the apartment (what used to be _their_ apartment). 

“I always was the best at interior design,” Bora teased, looking down at the food on her lap. 

“I expect it’s much better with just one person now, this place was too small for both of us.” 

“Yeah, it feels much bigger now.” Bora wasn’t really that hungry anymore. The mood had turned somber. 

She glanced up at Minji, who was casually watching the tv in front of them with a content little smile on her face. _Had she always been this beautiful?_

What kind of question is that? Of course she has been, it’s _Minji._ Even before Bora knew her ABC’s she knew Minji was beautiful. Growing up she remembered watching the way she would smile and light up a whole room. She remembered watching the way she danced, wild and free. Bora couldn’t keep her eyes off her back then.

Finally, (dear god _finally_ ) it clicked. At one point or another, Bora had loved Minji. Truly and deeply _loved._

It explained so much, including the festering jealously deep in her gut when she heard about Minji finding her soulmate. 

All that time... it wasn’t just admiration. Bora felt like she was hit by a truck.

“Bora, you okay?” Minji smiled, waving her hand in the girl’s face. 

Okay, but _loved_ is past tense. Minji isn’t her soulmate. The universe knew that Yooh was perfect for her best friend and Bora honestly agrees. Bora has her future soulmate waiting for her somewhere too. But why did she only just realise this all now? 

“Bora!” This time she looked up, shaken out of her thoughts. 

“What?” 

“You’re zoning out love, is something on your mind?” Bora sighed. Why did her best friend have to be so perfect. 

“I’m fine Minji. These videos are getting repetitive, do you wanna watch a movie instead?” The older girl studied Bora’s face for a second then gave up, realising it was probably best to distract Bora from her ruminating thoughts instead of trying to face them right now. 

“Sure, you pick.” 

Bora spent most the movie trying to figure a number of things out. She was sure that she had loved Minji at one point or another. That was certain. Obviously that feeling wasn’t as strong now as she was truly happy for her and Yooh. The love that was left for Minji wasn’t intense or all-consuming.

Bora wasn’t noticing one significant detail in all of this. Minji (clearly) wasn’t a man. And Bora had loved her.

In the past, Bora would have fleeting thoughts about how gorgeous women are, but never thought to act on anything. Since she was young she just _knew_ she would spend the rest of her life with a man.

But now Bora dared to question that. Was she limiting herself? 

Bora could feel a headache coming on from all this intense thinking. The lazy afternoon sunlight flooded through the curtains as the movie credits filled the room. Minji had fallen asleep on the other side of the sofa, snoring lightly under a blanket. 

This was her _best friend._ The fact that Bora figured this out _now_ , didn’t change anything. Minji would always be her best friend and Bora was content with that. That’s the main reason she knew she wasn’t _still_ in love with her. 

She smiled down at the sleeping girl next to her. _Thank you Minji for always being there for me, and making me discover even more about myself._

~~~

Siyeon made a mental note to stop fucking random girls all around the city without getting a little background info first, because now this was _really_ coming to bite her in the ass. 

“You _bitch!_ I’m talking to you! You’re the one who fucked my soulmate? Even after seeing her tattoo and knowing she’s not yours-“ 

“Stop talking about her like she’s your fucking property! She’s capable of making her own decisions.” 

Siyeon was just on her way to buy groceries when this tiny blonde girl ran up and shoved her on the street, shouting out random insults.

She quickly figured out this girl had to be Yuqi’s soulmate, from the familiar tattoo on her cheek. The girl’s face was intimidating but Siyeon towered over her. 

She was shoved back again. Siyeon kept her arms planted at her sides, holding herself back. If she was in a good mood before this, she definitely wasn't now.

“Why even come find me when it’s her you should be mad at? _She_ came to _me._ Clearly you must be doing something wrong or she wouldn’t have wanted a threesom-“

Soyeon’s fist smashed against the side of her cheek, making Siyeon stumble back near the curb. This tiny girl had some strength. 

“Fuck you! Me and Yuqi are fine, it’s _you_ that’s the problem. Getting her drunk and taking her home, you sick fuck!”

“ _You think I fucking RAPED her?_ ” Siyeon was practically screaming now out of rage. People around them stopped walking past, some even taking out their phones. “You’re delusional! Go talk to Yuqi and leave me the FUCK out of this shit!” 

Siyeon was fuming and tasting blood in her mouth, but she knew better than to start a fist fight in the middle of the street. Police could be anywhere. She had to leave before this got out of hand. She turned her back on the crazy girl and started to walk away. 

“Why should I leave you out of this when _you_ were the one who decided to get involved in the first place? A slut like you trying to steal other people’s soulmates instead of sticking to your own. It’s disgusting.” 

_She didn’t just say that, did she?_ Siyeon turned around fast and spat blood in the girl’s face, swinging for her. She scuffed Soyeon’s jaw but the tiny girl was too fast, and landed a punch into the taller girl’s ribcage.

Siyeon gritted her teeth, when she saw Soyeon’s smirk. “Do you even have a soulmate or did they leave because they knew they could do better?”

 _That was it._ Siyeon went into a fury. She only saw red. _Punch after punch after punch._ Even when the smaller girl hit the floor. _Kick after kick after **kick** -_

Before she knew it, she felt strong arms pulling her back. Cold metal enclosed around her wrists. She was being dragged into a police car.

Siyeon didn’t take her eyes away from the bloody beaten girl on the sidewalk. Everything else around her was a blur. _She deserved it_ Siyeon thought.

The flashing of phones around her was making her dizzy. Her breathing started to slow when she felt the car rumble underneath her, the engine starting. 

She looked out the window at the girl on the ground. She could barely move. _She deserved it._

... _Right?_

~~~

It was 6:14pm. Both girls on the sofa woke up with a start when Minji’s phone started to ring. She looked at the contact name, it was Yooh.

“Babe? What’s up?”

“MINJI I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO.” Her girlfriend’s panicked voice made Minji sit up immediately. “ _Yooh, what’s wrong?_ ” 

Bora stopped stretching, registering the worry in her best friend’s voice.

 _What’s happening?_ she mouthed, but Minji shook her head at her. _I don’t know._

“SIYEON’S IN JAIL AND I NEED TO-“

“ _SIYEON’S IN JAIL?_ ” Minji and Bora’s jaws dropped.

“Minji put her on speaker!” Bora was practically grabbing the phone out of her hand. “Yooh! What do you mean _she’s in jail?_ What did she do?”

“SHE GOT INTO A FIGHT AND BROKE THIS GIRL’S RIBCAGE- I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO GUYS, THE POLICE RANG ME SAYING I NEED TO GO TO THE STATION AND I-“

Minji desperately tried to ignore the first part of that sentence to keep the image of a sweet soft friendly Siyeon in her head. She had to help her. She was still her friend. “YOOH! _Calm down!_ I’m coming with yo-“

“Me too!”

Before Minji could question why, Bora already had her car keys and was heading out of her apartment, shouting for Minji to follow her.

Bora didn’t know what came over her, but all she knew was she had to see Siyeon. In that moment she didn’t care about anything else.

Bora got in her car, Minji following straight after and drove to Yooh’s apartment to pick her up. Thankfully Handong had left some time ago so less people would be roped into this mess.

Yooh was having a panic attack in the back seat so Minji was doing her best to comfort her while Bora drove with determination. Her hands clenched around the steering wheel, her knuckles turning white. She didn’t know if when she saw Siyeon she was going to beat her or hug her. Probably _not_ the latter.

_How could she do this when she goes to the most prestigious academy in the country? Does she not care about her future? Damn her if she lets that voice go to waste._

_How could she worry her friends like this? Is she really so reckless that she doesn’t think at all before she acts? Unbelievable._

God, she sounded like a protective mother. Why did she even care? Truly, she couldn’t keep asking herself that question anymore because she knew deep down it was more than that.

If anything happened, she would miss seeing Siyeon across the hall during practice. Watching her concentrate, biting her bottom lip, pinching the skin on top of her hand.

She would miss those rare glimpses of her looking back. Their eyes meeting for a shy second and the blonde looking away as if she’d been caught doing something illegal. Only this time, she has.

Thinking of what Yooh said over the phone honestly scared her. She didn’t want to believe it. Sure, Siyeon can be angry, Bora definitely knew that, but enough to beat a girl so bad she broke _multiple bones?_ A shiver ran down Bora’s spine at the thought.

When they arrived at the station, an officer got Yooh to sign some papers and told them this wasn’t the first time Siyeon had been arrested for aggravated assault. At this point, Bora had mastered a neutral reaction (thanks to her basic acting training) but _god_ did she have so many questions for that girl.

Siyeon sat on the small bench looking around at the holding cell the officers put her in. She probably looked like utter shit right now. 

To be honest she wasn’t too worried about the situation she was in. Her parents always knew how to clean up the messes she made. They still wanted her to live a successful life after all. That meant cleaning her criminal record whenever she acted out. The victims would never press charges after her dad would give them enough money to shut up.

The officers had got a hold of Siyeon’s parents but as they lived back in Daegu, they wouldn’t arrive until late into the night, meaning that Siyeon would have to be held in a group cell overnight and let out the next morning. Siyeon knew how this worked, and she didn’t want that. So she told them to call Yooh. Honestly, in retrospect Dami would have been a better option, but her roommate was the first person she thought of.

She especially regretted that decision now, when she saw Yooh coming into the room holding back tears. Siyeon desperately didn’t want her adorable roommate to see her any differently because of this. Yooh was such a good friend and Siyeon would beat herself up forever if she lost her over something as stupid and impulsive as this.

She wasn’t surprised to see that Yooh wasn’t the only one coming to pick her up. Minji held her girlfriend close to her side. She looked at Siyeon and tried giving her a reassuring smile, but it didn’t reach her eyes. For some reason though, it still calmed Siyeon a bit to see her there.

But what _did_ surprise her was seeing Bora follow the couple closely behind, meeting Siyeon’s eyes with an unreadable look on her face.

“What are you doing here?” Siyeon knows she should be apologising and explaining herself to her friends but Bora’s presence confused her too much not to ask.

“What are _you_ doing here?” Bora shot back, unable to look away from Siyeon’s busted lip.

“I’m guessing you know why.” Siyeon tore her eyes away from the dancer for a second to look at her worried friends. “I’m really sorry for worrying you guys. I should’ve called Dami-“

“N-No, it’s okay,” Yooh said between sniffles, she was quick to reassure her roommate. “You know you can call me whenever you need help, that’s what friends are for.”

Siyeon smiled softly at her. If bars weren’t in the way she would hug her. 

“Yooh signed the papers and the officers said your parents sorted the bail. They just need to finalise some things then you can come back with us.” Minji said, again with that small reassuring smile.

Siyeon didn’t deserve them as friends. They were too good to her. She regretted having such shit control over her actions. She never wanted to put them in a situation like this again. 

This whole time Bora was staring at Siyeon through the bars, taking in her disheveled and slightly bloody appearance. Siyeon’s knuckles were missing several layers of skins and were stained red. Her light shirt had blood stains splattered over in odd places. Bora knew it wasn’t Siyeon’s, and that gave her an uneasy feeling in her stomach.

As if she could sense her discomfort, Siyeon looked back at the dancer and tried her best to smile reassuringly like Minji did, but it probably looked weird paired with how she looked right now.

_Why is she here? She has no idea how much she’s been on my mind these past few days._

Bora looked down at Siyeon’s attempted smile and couldn’t help but smile back softly. She desperately wanted to believe that Siyeon wasn’t this angry, argumentative and aggressive person but kind, warm and soft like how Yooh and Minji described her to be. 

She wanted to get to know this side of her. It would be a lie to say she didn’t peak Bora’s interest.

Thankfully an officer came in then, breaking Bora and Siyeon’s staring contest. He unlocked the cell and took Siyeon out of her handcuffs.

As soon as the officer said she was free to leave, Yooh jumped and clung onto the blonde tightly, making her stumble back. “Please don’t do something like this again,” she mumbled into her hair. “You scared me.” 

Siyeon swore she felt her heart break for a second hearing those words. “I promise I won’t.”

Yooh pulled back, keeping her hands on Siyeon’s shoulders and smiled her signature optimistic smile. “Then let’s go home and get you cleaned up.”

Minji and Yooh lead Siyeon to the parking lot outside with Bora following close behind, uncharacteristically quiet.

“Who’s car is this?” Siyeon asked, confused.

“Mine.” Bora stepped into the drivers seat, prompting everyone else to get in.

The drive back was quiet and tense, full of unanswered questions that everyone was too scared to ask.

Siyeon looked out the window, trying to ignore how she was probably getting blood all over Bora’s back seat.

This wasn’t how today was supposed to go. She was meant to pick up groceries so she could cook for Yooh and her study buddy.

Yooh had introduced her to Handong earlier that morning and Siyeon surprisingly got along with her straight away, loving her savage comments. They quickly teamed up to tease Yooh together.

The three of them planned on watching dramas together after dinner but Siyeon was mostly just excited to make a new friend. She volunteered to go down to the store because they were both still studying.

She should be on the sofa throwing popcorn at Yooh and making jokes with Handong right now. She shouldn’t be in the back of Bora’s car, covered in blood and making everyone uncomfortable. 

“We’re here.”

Bora had to say something because no one in the car seemed to notice them stop. All the girls seemed to be in their own worlds, thinking deeply.

When they all got out of the car, the four of them made their way up the stairs and stood outside of the couple’s apartments.

After two agonisingly long minutes of stalling, Minji finally had the courage to say what the other’s were thinking. “Siyeon, we need to talk about this. We all want to know what happened.”

Siyeon knew this was coming. She kept her eyes glued to the floor and nodded weakly, following Yooh inside their apartment. Minji and Bora followed after and shut the door behind them.

Bora knew she wasn’t really meant to be there, but she was curious. None of them made an attempt to make her leave so she pulled up the nearest chair and sat down, facing Siyeon who was sat on the sofa looking conflicted.

_What was she thinking about? Was it really as bad as Yooh described? Had she done worse before?_ Bora’s head was reeling with questions. 

After Yooh found the first aid kit and gave Siyeon some clean clothes to change into, the four of them sat down waiting for Siyeon to speak.

“Where did Handong go?” She asked weakly, hating the attention she was receiving.

“She had to leave unexpectedly, her parents called wanting her help for something I think. It was before I got the call from the police, so don’t worry, she doesn’t know.” Yooh replied patiently. She curled up on the sofa, lying against Minji’s side.

“Does Dami know anything?” Siyeon was stalling, she knew, but she really didn’t know how to explain herself. She didn’t want them to see her as a bad person, even if she probably was.

“No, do you want me to message her?” Minji asked, taking out her phone.

“No, don’t worry, I’ll tell her in person.” Minji nodded and put her phone back. Silence filled the room again, making Bora antsy. She wanted answers, and patience wasn’t her forte.

“I’m... really bad at controlling myself.” Siyeon stayed looking at the floor, pinching the skin on the back of her hand. She felt Bora’s eyes on her, urging her to continue.

“Since I was young I always got angry at my parents and... well, anyone who tried to control me. I know I hurt people quite a lot and I always regret it afterwards.”

She finally looked up and met Bora’s eyes. “Like how I regret saying those things to you.” Bora’s expression eased a bit then. She searched Siyeon’s eyes and only found sincerity.

“I’m trying to be better. Dami is helping me, she knows how to stop my intrusive thoughts from going too far. Also, I have you guys now.” Siyeon turned to Yooh and Minji and smiled. “You’re good people and I don’t want to lose you. You bring out the good side of me I hadn’t seen for a while when I was back in Daegu, and I’m so glad I met you both.”

Yooh reached over and squeezed Siyeon’s hand. “Dami was right when she said you’re just a big softie like me,” she teased, making everyone in the room smile.

Siyeon felt vulnerable talking about this with Bora in the room. After all, she was almost a stranger. Even if Siyeon has been thinking about kissing her every time their eyes meet in the practice hall, they barely knew anything about each other, other than how to make each other mad.

Bora was happy to see a glimpse of the softer Siyeon the girls had told her about, but she still had a question. One that would probably kill the vibe.

“What happened with that girl today?”

The room grew quiet again. Siyeon looked back down at the floor, thinking of how to phrase this.

“She’s a soulmate of someone I had sex with. I don’t even know why she found me _now,_ because it happened weeks ago. She came up to me and tried starting a fight.” 

“Did she hit you first?” Bora asked, desperately wanting to take Siyeon’s side on all of this. _Maybe it was just self defence?_

“Technically yes, but I took it too far. She said some things that pushed me over the edge.” 

Siyeon looked up at the girls in front of her with a serious expression on her face. “I know I really hurt her. I know that I _can_ really hurt people. I need to have better control over that.”

Minji nodded solemnly. She wanted her friend to get better at controlling her anger. She had really grown to love Siyeon’s company and really wanted to see her happy, not full of regret.

“Do you think the girl will press charges?” Yooh asked, the thought just struck her brain and it made her panic to think of Siyeon behind bars again.

“No, my parents will sort it. They don’t want me to have anything on my record so that I can have a good career.” Siyeon sat down next to Yooh, trying to reassure her.

“So your parents are rich?” Bora asked candidly.

“Pretty much.”

The more Bora learnt about Siyeon, the more intrigued she was. _What was her childhood like? Does she like her parents? Why did she move to Seoul?_ Bora wanted to know everything about the girl sat in front of her.

“Okay, who wants some food?” Minji said, turning everyone’s attention to their own hunger. She got up from the sofa and made her way to the kitchen, saying that she’ll cook them all some chicken.

“No! Don’t use up all my chicken! Go to your own kitchen and cook it there!” Yooh said, stumbling after her girlfriend.

“What’s mine is yours and what’s yours is mine babe, that’s the deal when I saw your tattoo.” Minji teased, taking _all_ the meat out of the fridge.

“We aren’t married!” Yooh argued, trying to put some meat back in the fridge. 

“Well, not yet.” Minji smirked, making Yooh a blushing, stuttering mess.

Siyeon smiled, relieved that she didn’t have to answer any more questions, and that her friends were still the same after everything that happened today.

Bora listened to the couple in the kitchen with fondness. She was so happy that her best friend got what she always wanted since she was a kid. A soulmate that loved her unconditionally. 

Bora turned back to Siyeon. When their eyes met, they smiled at each other softly, still with a certain shyness that reminded her of the glances in the practice room. _Was Siyeon going to look away first or was she?_

Bora’s eyes slowly scanned Siyeon’s face, inevitably landing on her bottom lip. There was a small gash on the right side that had stopped bleeding a while ago. Siyeon caught her staring and subconsciously swiped her tongue over the cut, watching Bora’s eyes follow the movement and linger for a second too long. Bora’s throat went dry. 

She tore her eyes away from Siyeon’s mouth just to see something behind her eyes that she couldn’t quite place.

(Truthfully, Siyeon wanted nothing more than to close the gap between them and kiss her senseless.) 

“Bora! Come help me cook, you’re better at this than me!” Minji shouted from the kitchen, causing the two girls to break eye contact. 

A hint of disappointment could be seen on Bora’s face until she looked back at Siyeon again with a small smile. “Okay okay!” The dancer stood up and made her way into the kitchen, ready to save the chicken that was already burning on the pan. “Minji.... _how?_ ”

Siyeon’s thoughts ran wild thinking about what could have happened if Minji had just stayed quiet. Ever since that night she spent with Minnie, her thoughts had been consumed by the dancer. Everything she thought of kept circling back to her.

This was new to Siyeon. Having someone constantly on her mind. It can be frustrating and really distracting.

Truthfully, she planned on talking to Bora at their next practice session. She needed to show the dancing department the finished soundtrack anyway but she mostly wanted to finally compliment Bora’s dancing. 

Suddenly, Siyeon’s phone went off in her pocket, shaking her out of her thoughts.

_Mom: Siyeon, your dad and I spoke with the police and they are letting you off with a warning. That girl won’t be pressing charges either. But if something like this happens again, we will cut your allowance. You said if we let you move to Seoul you would behave. Keep your word. Companies aren’t going to want you if you continue acting out like this._

Siyeon sighed. She’s so glad she’s not back in Daegu right now, otherwise her parents wouldn’t be letting her out of their sight.

“Siyeon, foods almost done! Can you put Peter Pan on the tv?” 

“Yooh we are _not_ watching Peter Pan again. We watched it last night.” 

“Yeah Yooh, we watch it all the time with you, why don’t you get sick of it?” Bora added exasperatedly. 

“Please guysssss, only for tonight.” Yooh pouted at her girlfriend, hoping she would give in. 

“You said that last night too,” Minji said, not falling for it. 

“You’re mean.” Yooh sulked making the other’s laugh. 

But then a smile returned to her face when she realised something. “Wait a minute, it’s my and Siyeon’s apartment, not yours. So it’s mine and Siyeon’s decision. _Siyeon! Can we watch Peter Pan?”_

Siyeon laughed when she saw Yooh pop her head around the corner with an expectant smile on her face. 

“Sure.”

“Yes! I knew she would say yes.” The two girls in the kitchen groaned loudly.

“Siyeon you were meant to say no!” Bora shouted from the kitchen. “You’re getting less chicken now.” 

“That’s not fair!”

“It’s totally fair, suck it up.” 

Siyeon huffed but got up off the sofa to put the movie on. The three girls came out of the kitchen holding plates of delicious smelling food and placing them on the table in front of them. 

Siyeon turned around and smiled, looking at the food made her stomach grumble. “Who cooked this?” 

“Me obviously, I’m the best cook here.” Bora smirked, sitting down on the sofa putting her feet up. 

“I don’t know Bora, Siyeon is a pretty good cook too. She cooks me dinner almost every night now.” Yooh said, smiling at her roommate.

“That’s because you can’t cook ramen without setting a pot on fire,” Minji teased, sitting on her girlfriend’s lap. 

“Hey!” Yooh slapped at Minji’s back before stealing a small piece of chicken from her plate. “Hey! You have your own plate!” 

“What happened to _what’s yours is mine?_ ” Yooh teased, taking another piece and putting it in her mouth. 

Siyeon smiled at the couple’s antics and sat down next to Bora. “Did you really give me less chicken?” She dared to ask.

“Yes,” Bora replied, pointing to Siyeon’s plate on the table. 

Siyeon pouted, taking her plate on her lap. Bora couldn’t believe her eyes at first. 

“Is big bad Siyeon _pouting?_ ” Bora teased, earning a light punch on the arm. “Hey!”

“This happens all the time,” Yooh said, making Siyeon glare at her in an _almost_ intimidating way. She really only looked like she was squinting. 

“Put your glasses on if you’re struggling to see,” Yooh teased again, but she was shocked when Siyeon threw a pillow at her.

Bora’s loud cackling laugh caught Siyeon’s attention, making her turn around and fall back into the sofa laughing too. Siyeon couldn’t believe such a small woman could make such a loud weird sound.

“I told you so,” Yooh said between laughs.

“Told me what?” Siyeon asked, putting her hand over Bora’s mouth for her to be quiet. 

“That you two would like each other.”


	9. ix

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> gahyeon is introduced and another couple is confirmed.

It had been three days since the jail incident and Siyeon wasn’t doing well. The guilt was starting to swallow her whole. She couldn’t write or sing when the images of her beating Soyeon to the ground, the sound of her bones breaking, made Siyeon want to curl into a ball and die.

That’s the thing with Siyeon’s anger. She doesn’t feel the regret straight away. It sets in after a few nights, slow and steady, and starts clawing at her brain until she can’t sleep anymore. Until she can’t function.

She vaguely remembers the first time she felt this horrible feeling. The first time she hurt someone so badly she never thought she’d be able to carry on living with the guilt eating at her heart.

It happened a few days after her 18th birthday. Her and some friends decided it was a good idea to all get tattoos, to rebel against the soulmate system and their strict parents.

(Siyeon decided on a lyric from her song Paradise, the first ever song she wrote, and had it tattooed on the back of her neck.)

It was approaching 10pm when they all left the studio. The streets were dark and quiet until Siyeon heard a bloodcurdling scream from the nearest alleyway.

Without thinking Siyeon ran towards the sound, fearing someone was in danger. Maybe her parents were right when they said she was always out looking for trouble. What she saw at the end of the alley made her blood run cold. 

A man trapping a young girl against a wall. She looked no older than 15. She was struggling underneath his strong hands that were attempting to take off her clothes.

As if on instinct, Siyeon charged at the man, grabbing him by the collar of his jacket and flinging him to the ground. He was startled, (and clearly a bit drunk) but tried to stand back up to swing at her.

Even back then, Siyeon was never one to back down from a fight. She kicked him back down, grabbed him by his hair and smashed his skull against the nearest wall. 

He tried using his arms to stop Siyeon but she just kept going. Hitting his head repeatedly against the wall, even as blood dripped down his face and into his mouth. He tried fighting back but it was useless from the angle he was in. 

Siyeon soon felt him go limp in her hands but she couldn’t stop. It was as if her body was on autopilot, hyper focused on making this man stop breathing.

She barely registered the scared girl crouched in the corner near her, silently crying, watching everything Siyeon was doing. It was scaring her. 

The man had stopped fighting back a while ago. His hair and face was caked in blood. Siyeon would have to scrub underneath her fingernails for weeks to get the last of it out.

 _Men like him didn’t deserve to live_ was the only coherent thought running through Siyeon’s mind.

When her friends caught up with her, they watched the man slowly slump down to the floor as Siyeon let go of his head. He wasn’t moving. 

Their eyes widened in shock. “Siyeon, what the fuck did you do!?”

Siyeon didn’t hear them and finally tore her eyes away from the man and looked at the young girl behind her. She tried her best to put on a reassuring smile to not look as intimidating as she did a few minutes ago.

The girl looked up at Siyeon, seeing the change in her demeanour. This eased some of her anxiety. This girl _did_ come and save her after all.

“Did he hurt you?” Siyeon asked as gently as she could, ignoring her friends panic behind her. 

“I don’t think so, almost,” the girl replied weakly. She caught a glimpse of anger flash in Siyeon’s eyes again. 

She felt her blood boil at the thought of the man getting what he wanted. But she caught herself and took a deep breath, trying her best to calm down so she could get everyone out of this situation.

“What’s your name?” Siyeon crouched down beside the girl, still keeping a bit of distance as to not frighten her.

“Lee Gahyeon.”

“Gahyeon, I’m Siyeon-“ the sound of sirens in the distance made Siyeon stop. That wasn’t good. Someone must’ve heard Gahyeon’s screams earlier and called the police.

Everyone’s eyes widened. “Siyeon, we have to go!” Her friends panicked, ready to flee the scene. 

Siyeon turned back to Gahyeon quickly, “We’re going to run, are you coming with us?” 

Without thinking Gahyeon grabbed Siyeon’s hand and made a run for it. The group of teenagers sprinted down the dark alleyways, panting, trying to outrun the sirens. 

The dim streetlights barely illuminated the alleys further down, making them feel like they were running blind.

They started to split up when they saw a police car turn towards them. Siyeon held Gahyeon close behind her, taking her further downtown.

Siyeon’s brain was set on one thing, getting this girl home safe. She dragged Gahyeon behind a tall building and pressed their backs against it, holding their breath, listening to the sirens. When they heard them pass by, they caught their breath for a few minutes.

“Are they gone?” Gahyeon asked anxiously, peeking around the building’s edge.

“I think so,” Siyeon said, still gasping for air.

Gahyeon turned to Siyeon and jumped into her arms unexpectedly, making the taller girl stumble back. “Thank you. I have no idea what would have happened if you hadn’t been there,” she whispered into her hair gratefully. 

Siyeon hesitantly hugged the girl back, trying to suppress the anger she felt towards the man. Why would he try to hurt such a kind girl? _Disgusting._

“It’s okay,” Siyeon said quietly, letting go of Gahyeon and looking around the building to check if the street was clear. “Do you live far from here? Let me walk you home.” 

Gahyeon didn’t live far and was grateful that Siyeon would walk with her (since she didn’t know what part of town they were even in right now.)

Walking down the empty streets, the silence between them was filled with underlying anxiety and unprocessed thoughts. Everything had happened so fast, their brains were trying to catch up.

Gahyeon looked down at Siyeon’s bloody clothes and decided to break the silence. “Do you think you’ll get caught for what you did to him?”

“Let’s talk about something else.” Siyeon said, making an effort not to look down at her hands. “Why were you out alone so late anyway?” 

“I needed a break from my dad. He never really lets me out of his sight.” She replied. Gahyeon was glad she could talk and not let her thoughts dwell on what _almost_ happened to her earlier. She knew it would probably haunt her for the rest of her life but for the next few minutes she was grateful for a distraction.

Siyeon smiled sadly with understanding. “Same with my parents, they give me no freedom so I have to go find it myself.” 

Gahyeon looked up at the cloudy sky above them as they walked. Opening up to a stranger was better than facing her newly formed trauma, Gahyeon reasoned. 

“My dad wants me to take over his business when I’m older. All he cares about is how hard I work. It’s like I’m not allowed a social life at all.”

Siyeon must have sensed that Gahyeon wanted to distract herself, so she pressed on. “Do you want to take over the business?” 

“No.” 

“Then what do you want?”

“I don’t know yet but I want the choice.” 

“I get you.” 

As they continued speaking, Siyeon’s thoughts involuntarily flooded back to the man in the alley. She wondered if he was still breathing. Something in her hated the idea of the paramedics saving him. He would probably find another girl to take advantage of as soon as he left the hospital.

In that moment she didn’t care if she was a murderer. She didn’t regret it what she did. Especially when she was speaking to one of the sweetest most innocent girls she’s ever met. The thought of her growing up with this trauma now made her rage.

When they finally arrived outside Gahyeon’s (rather large) home, Siyeon went to hug her this time. “No more going out late at night by yourself.”

“Okay.” Gahyeon hugged the older girl back, incredibly thankful for her being there tonight.

“And talk to your dad about what _you_ want.” Gahyeon smiled at that. “I will. I hope you find the freedom you’re looking for too.” 

They both pulled apart, smiling at each other before waving goodbye. 

“I’ll see you around.” Siyeon said. “Stay safe.” 

She watched the younger girl go inside her house, then started running back uptown.

When Siyeon got home late that night, she took a long hot shower trying her best to scrub all the blood off her hands. She felt dirty even after she got out. Thankfully her parents didn’t notice or want to comment on her getting home so late. 

She messaged her friends, finding out they all got to their respective homes safe after splitting up, confusing the police cars. She breathed a sigh of relief. Everyone was okay.

Early the next morning, when she sat at the kitchen table with her parents, she heard the news on the radio.

_“Kim Cheol-min, aged 42, was found left for dead in an alleyway in downtown Daegu last night. Surgeons pronounced him brain dead early this morning. As the sole caretaker of his elderly mother, he wasn’t able to return home in time to give her medication, which resulted in her death early this morning. It’s suspected that a group of young thugs were behind the crime, an investigation for the case has been opened.”_

Siyeon could never be able to forget the feeling that crashed over her in that moment. She had inadvertently killed an innocent woman. 

What she felt was more than just guilt. It felt like a cinder block had been dropped onto her chest and she could no longer breathe.

This feeling remained for weeks, just as intense. She refused to leave her room, unable to speak to anyone. Her friends stopped checking up on her after a while and soon she was alone.

Her parents finally got the truth out of her after constant pestering. Siyeon trashed her room, shouting at the top of lungs for them to leave her alone. That this wasn’t just some hormonal teenage problem that could be fixed. She had _killed an innocent woman._ And the police were looking for her.

At least her parents eased her anxiety somewhat with that last part. They tipped off the police department easily. The victim didn’t have any other relatives so no one fought for the investigation to continue.

Technically, Siyeon didn’t have to face the consequences of her actions that night. But the horrid guilt that came with it, she had to carry for the rest of her life.

It was that same unmistakable feeling that was pulling at her chest again today. She didn’t want to get out of bed, in fear of breaking down crying in front of somebody. The anxiety clutching onto her heart, squeezed every few minutes, stopping her from doing what she needed to do.

Today she was meant to go to practice and show Bora the finished soundtrack. She wanted to see her face light up at the possibilities for choreography. She was meant to meet up with Dami later on to tell her everything that happened.

But she couldn’t get out of bed. With all her effort, she texted Yooh to not disturb her today and to tell Dami that she would meet her another time. As for Bora, Siyeon knew that the rest of the vocal students would show the soundtrack instead. She just won’t be able to see that beautiful smile.

~~~

Bora decided to stop by the campus coffee shop before practice, because Handong was on her break. She worked as a barista part-time as well as being one of the best acting students in the academy. Bora had to give it to her, that girl knew how to stick to the grind. 

Her and Handong were catching up, talking about everything under the sun, except for Siyeon’s arrest. Bora knew it wasn’t her place to say anything. Siyeon and Handong had only met the day of the incident anyway, as Handong explained.

To be truthful, the whole time she was speaking with Handong she was daydreaming about Siyeon. This had been happening a lot the past 3 days. Bora had so many questions she wanted to ask that girl, and she hadn’t had time to talk to her since that day.

Watching Siyeon eat her chicken and laugh at random moments during Peter Pan, Bora couldn’t help but feel so _happy._ Happy that the girl in front of her was calm and safe. She cared about Siyeon, even against her better judgement.

If she heard that Yooh was roommates with a rude, argumentative, convicted felon that had inconsiderately loud threesomes at night, Bora would be fuming, and try her best to get Yooh out of that apartment. She would never even try to tolerate the girl.

But here she was, daydreaming about the blonde while sipping her tea and pretending to listen to what Handong was saying. _“-and she has A LOT of tattoos-“_

“Huh? What did you say?” Bora narrowed her eyes, _was she talking about Dami?_

“I knew you weren’t listening,” Handong rolled her eyes playfully before repeating herself. “There’s a girl that keeps staring at me in the library. It’s been over a week now. I get that I’m hot but she should make a move or it’s just getting creepy.”

Bora smiled inwardly knowing this was probably Dami. She knew from her friends how much the tattooed girl liked to read. 

Honestly, it was about time Handong got a girl instead of just the occasional fling every once in a while. Bora could tell her friend wanted more than that, even though she never admitted it. Who knows, maybe Dami could be just what her Dongie needs.

“You know, _you_ could make a move,” Bora smiled, earning a groan from the friend opposite her. 

“I don’t have time for that sort of stuff, I’m too busy,” 

“You’re always busy.” Bora added.

“That’s how I like it.” 

“Uh huh sure.” _She’ll try being matchmaker again another time. It wasn’t going to work now._

“Does this girl have blue hair by any chance?” Bora just needed to make sure.

“Yeah, really alternative,” Handong said taking a sip from her coffee, before narrowing her eyes. “Do you know who she is?” 

“Isn’t it sexier to keep it a mystery and let you figure it out yourself?” Bora smirked, earning a huff from her friend. “Having a secret admirer must be a great ego boost though, I want one.” She added. 

“Bora you probably have like ten in this room alone,” Handong said, playing along. 

“Well they could at least have the decency to be more obvious about it,” she huffed, finishing her tea. Handong smiled at the girl across from her before checking the time on her phone.

“Ugh, my break is up,” she stood from the table, running her hands over her apron.

“I should get going now too, or I’m going to be late to practice.” Bora sighed, picking up her bag.

“Do you want another drink to go?”

“No I’m okay, I’ll text you later. Be sure not to overwork yourself,” she chided, hugging her friend goodbye.

“Okay okay, have fun at practice. Say hi to Siyeon for me,” Handong smiled before pulling away.

 _Siyeon._ Even the mention of her name made Bora smile. “I will.”

Before she could let Handong see the blush on her cheeks she left the shop, hurriedly making her way to the practice hall. She really was running late, and thought of seeing Siyeon again made her walk a bit faster than usual.

When she made it outside the hall she saw a familiar face, leaning against the wall waiting for someone. “Dami?”

The tattooed girl looked up from her phone, with a small smile. “Bora, hey.”

“What are you doing here?” She asked, stopping in front of the younger girl, only now noticing her slightly worried expression.

“Have you seen Siyeon? Me and her were meant to meet up today to talk about something important but she cancelled unexpectedly.” 

Bora narrowed her eyes. “Is she not already in the hall? Practice started ten minutes ago.”

“No. I asked if the other vocal students had seen her and they said they hadn’t. I was waiting to ask you.”

Bora frowned, Siyeon hadn’t been late to practice before. 

“I haven’t seen her since a few days ago.” Bora replied honestly.

“Well do you know about the ‘important’ thing she has to tell me? I feel like I’m being left out of something that everyone else knows. Minji and Yooh have been unusually quiet around me the past few days. I just want to make sure Siyeon is okay.”

 _Wow, this girl was observant_ Bora thought. 

“It’s not my place to say Dami,” she said awkwardly, looking away from the girl’s pleading expression.

“So everyone knows except me,” Dami sighed dejectedly, not the least bit angry. “At least tell me she’s okay.”

Bora wanted to say yes, so she could stop this conversation from going any further. She didn’t want to accidentally say something she shouldn’t. But it wasn’t the truth.

“To be honest, I don’t know if she’s okay. She seemed fine a few nights ago but she’s never been late to practice before.” Bora felt worry start to settle in her stomach.

“Then I’m going to her apartment. If you won’t tell me what’s happened, maybe Yooh can.” Dami started to leave, but Bora took her arm.

“Dami, I know you want to help, but maybe Siyeon just needs some alone time today.” Even though Bora was worried, she had a feeling Siyeon didn’t want to talk to Dami about everything right now.

“This isn’t like her. Since I’ve known her she’s reached out to me when she’s angry or upset. This is the first time she’s shut me down.”

Dami looked hurt and Bora didn’t like that. The tattooed girl usually looked stoic, uncaring even, but this was the complete opposite. This made Bora give in.

“Fine, go.” She said reluctantly, letting go of the girl’s arm. Dami gave her a quick thankful smile and Bora watched her walk away.

The dancer sighed, looking into the practice hall full of students. It seemed empty knowing Siyeon wasn’t going to be there. All her motivation and excitement from earlier left her body, concern was replacing it. 

_What if Siyeon wasn’t at her apartment? What if something had happened to her?_

Bora looked back to see Dami about to turn a corner.

“Wait!” Dami turned around, watching Bora run to catch up with her. “Let me come with you.”

“Why? You have practice.” Dami scrunched up her eyebrows trying to understand. _Bora and Siyeon weren’t friends, right?_

“I won’t be able to dance when I’m worried about her.” That sounded more intimate than Bora intended it to be.

Dami smirked knowingly. _Oh, it makes sense now._

Bora saw the smirk on Dami’s face and smacked her arm, not noticing the blush on her own cheeks. “Why are you smirking?”

Dami chuckled, “No reason.”

They both started walking to Dami’s car, when Bora suddenly remembered the conversation she had with Handong earlier.

“I could tease you too you know,” Bora said, smiling mischievously at Dami’s confused reaction.

“What do you mean?”

“My friend says you’ve been staring at her in the library for days now. I didn’t take you to be such a chicken.” 

Bora laughed as Dami’s eyes widened.

“S-She noticed me?” she spluttered, earning a loud cackle from Bora.

“Oh my god! You’re whipped already!”

Dami was so taken aback she didn’t realise she had stopped in front of her car.

“Is this your car?” Bora asked teasingly, standing next to the passenger door. “Are you going to open it?”

Dami shakily sighed as they both got in. She couldn’t believe Bora was friends with the beautiful girl from the library. Dami’s _soulmate._

“Why are you reacting like this?” Bora asked teasingly, as the car started. “Are you in _loooooove?_ ” 

Dami’s heart stopped. She was stuck in her own panicked thoughts. _God I’m such an idiot. Of course she caught me staring. Does she know I’m her soulmate? Does Bora know? Are they both waiting for me to stop being a coward and make a move?_

“If you haven’t already stalked her, her name is Handong. She’s in second year, in Yooh’s acting class. Really cool, absolute savage, and one of my closest friends. I think I could set you both up if you wanted.” Bora said, oblivious to Dami’s inner panic. 

“No!” Dami almost crashed the car hearing those words. Bora grabbed the roof handle at the sudden swerve. 

“Dami, what the fuck?! Are you _trying_ to kill me?” Bora yelled in shock, clutching her chest. “You should be glad I had my fucking seatbelt on-“

“Please don’t tell Handong about me. Don’t do anything. Please let me handle this.” Dami said in a panic, shifting her eyes back and forth from Bora to the road.

“What are you talking about?” This was such an odd reaction for wanting to get her a date.

“Bora, she’s my _soulmate._ ”

Dami yelped. She shouldn’t have said that. Bora didn’t know. She wished she could take it back.

Boras eyes went straight down to Dami’s tattooed neck. Right between two designs she saw a small anchor under her jaw. _Just like Handong’s._

“Oh God,” Bora whispered.

“Bora I don’t think I’m ready to meet her. I’m not ready for all this. I don’t know what to do. I haven’t told anyone, not even my parents. What if she hates me? I bet she already thinks I’m a creep for staring but I just can’t take my eyes from her-“

As Dami’s words were going a mile a minute, so were Bora’s thoughts. _Is Handong ready to meet her soulmate? Should I tell her about this? and God why do all my friends have to find their soulmates before I do?_

“Dami, calm down,” Bora said authoritatively, “I won’t say anything to her. You take this at your own pace. This is between you and her only. There’s no rush.” She wanted Dami to calm down mostly because she was still _driving_ and Bora didn’t want to die today.

“You won’t tell her?” Dami asked again, breathing heavily through her nose, trying to calm down.

“I won’t.”

Dami sighed, keeping her eyes on the road. When she finally calmed her racing heart she gave Bora a quiet “thank you.” 

Bora watched Dami out the corner of her eye for the rest of the journey, mulling over what all this meant. 

The ball was in Dami’s court. Her tattoo was well hidden and Handong wouldn’t be able to spot it from a first glance. Even Bora had to search for a few seconds even when she _knew_ what she was looking for.

Bora also couldn’t help but feel disappointed. Not because _Dami_ was her friend’s soulmate, but because she wouldn’t have Handong to relate with anymore. She loved going clubbing with her and flirting with hot people together. She loved bitching about the soulmate system with her. She didn’t feel so alone by her side. 

Now this chapter of their lives was coming to an end. Like how her and Minji’s chapter ended. She felt like she was being left behind, again. Bora felt tears prickling behind her eyelids, but willed them to stop. She wasn’t going to cry. She was going to be happy for them.

When they arrived outside their friends’ apartment building, they both got out the car and walked up the stairs in silence. Bora had to remind herself why she was here. _Siyeon._ Her brain was so overwhelmed by the conversation in the car that she had forgotten about everything else.

They knocked on the apartment door and smiled when they saw Yooh, who seemed to be in her usual bubbly mood. 

“Hey guys! What a nice surprise! What’s up?” she said, as she let them both in.

“Is Siyeon okay?” Dami asked bluntly, getting to the point.

Yooh’s smile sunk. She looked over at Bora, silently asking if Dami knew. Bora shook her head.

“She won’t leave her bed,” Yooh sighed. “I tried making her breakfast this morning to cheer her up, but I kinda...burnt it. I think I need to buy a new frying pan.”

Bora wanted to laugh but the first part of what Yooh said worried her. She wanted to see Siyeon, and do what ever she could to make her feel better. And there _was_ something she could do.

“Let me cook her something.”

Yooh smiled softly, “please do, she hasn’t eaten all day.” Bora frowned, unable to hide her concern.

“Are you guys going to tell me _why_ Siyeon is like this?” Dami said impatiently.

“It’s not my place to say-“ Yooh started but Dami interrupted.

“Then I’ll ask her myself.” 

Before either of the girls could stop her, Dami barged into Siyeon’s room, shutting the door behind her.

Bora and Yooh looked at each other.

“Should we...” Yooh started.

“No. It’s between them.” Bora said decidedly. 

She didn’t want to overwhelm Siyeon, plus she had some tteokbokki to make.

~~~

As soon as Dami shut the door behind her she was in pitch darkness. She found the light switch on the wall with some difficulty and turned the lights on. The sight in front of her made her want to cry.

She saw Siyeon curled up in bed surrounded by dirty tissues. Her hair was a mess, her face sticky with tears. The blonde looked up at her friend and sobbed, her whole body shaking with it.

“Siyeon...” Dami got onto the bed, pushing the tissues aside and hugged her best friend.

Siyeon nestled her head into Dami’s shoulder and shakily exhaled. When she felt Dami’s fingers thread through her hair, she wanted to cry even harder.

Her thoughts telling her _I don’t deserve this. Not after everything I’ve done._

“Siyeon, what happened?” Dami asked softly, rubbing the girls back. She waited until her breathing slowed down enough for her to speak.

“I keep hurting people and I can’t stop.”

Dami pulled the girl in tighter, closing her eyes. “You can stop. You will. It takes time to unlearn these behaviours. You have people in your life who you _aren’t_ hurting. People who are there for you.”

“I don’t deserve them,” Siyeon said weakly, attempting to push Dami away. “I don’t deserve your kindness.”

“Yes you do Siyeon. Everyone deserves love. Don’t deprive yourself of it. Everyone makes mistakes but that doesn’t mean they aren’t worthy of love.”

Siyeon gave up pushing Dami away and started sobbing again. Her tears were staining Dami’s shirt but neither of them cared. Siyeon felt so _weak_ and she hated it.

After what seemed like hours, Siyeon ran out of tears. She pulled away from Dami’s arms and sat up, wiping her face with the sleeve of her hoodie. Dami looked up at her friend, unsure whether to ask any more questions.

Siyeon must have sensed her curiosity so she took a deep breath to collect herself. Dami sat up against the headboard and beckoned her to sit back.

Siyeon explained everything. From the incident back in Daegu, up until the fight with Soyeon a few days ago. She did it all without crying. She truly had run out of tears.

Dami sat back and listened to it all silently. Not once did she interrupt or comment on what her friend said. She knew Siyeon needed to tell someone all this, to get the weight off her chest. Dami was never one to judge and she wasn’t going to start now.

When Siyeon finished she couldn’t look Dami in the eyes. She looked down at her hands, pinching the skin there, trying her best not to run away from this uncomfortable situation. _She shouldn’t have told her all that, she shouldn’t have-_

“Siyeon, I probably would have done the same thing in that situation. A young girl was being hurt and you had no idea that man had to look after his mother.” Dami took Siyeon’s hand to stop her from pinching herself.

“And as for that girl a few days ago, _she_ came up to you and started it. Yes, you took it too far, but I can tell you regret it. I think you should find her and apologise. For her sake and for your peace of mind.”

Siyeon sighed. In a way she wished Dami would shout at her, tell her how disgusted she was at what she’s done. That’s what she felt she deserved. Not sympathy. Not agreement.

But apologising to that girl was a good idea. The guilt was eating Siyeon alive. Last time something like this happened she didn’t have the possibility of apologising to the person because they were dead but now she _can._

“I’ll apologise to her,” Siyeon said quietly, getting up from the bed and rubbing her eyes. Her whole body protested, wanting to lay back down and not get up.

Dami stood up too, thinking it was a good time to rid the subject. She could tell how drained Siyeon was. “Bora’s here by the way, cooking you something to eat.”

Siyeon narrowed her eyes, “but she’s meant to be at practice.”

“She said she couldn’t dance when she was worried about you.”

Siyeon’s eyes widened at that. _She was worried about her?_

The smell of delicious food trailed through the apartment, making Siyeon’s stomach growl. God, she was hungry. 

“Dami, how shit do I look on a scale of 1 to 10?” Siyeon rushed over to the nearest mirror and winced.

“9.” Dami said bluntly, amused by Siyeon scurrying around the room looking for a hairbrush.

“It’s just Bora you know,” Dami said, smiling at the slightly panicked blonde.

“You know damn well, she’s not _just_ Bora to me,” Siyeon hissed under her breath, finding a hair tie. _That will have to do._

Dami smirked at that almost confession. Big bad Siyeon being soft for Bora. They would cause a reign of terror as a couple, and Dami wanted to see it.

“Bora would think you’re hot in anything Siyeon, now lets go I’m starving.”

Siyeon’s heart jumped at that. She wished it were true. She checked herself in the mirror once more before making her way to the kitchen.

~~~

“What smells so good?” Siyeon asked softly, catching Bora dancing in front of the stove. _God, she got more beautiful every time she saw her._

The shorter girl smiled to herself before turning around. She was becoming addicted to that voice, even when the blonde wasn’t singing. 

She looked up at Siyeon, slightly taken aback by how good she looked in just a tattered hoodie and sweats.

“Tteokbokki.” Bora replied, noticing how dry her throat was.

Siyeon’s eyes brightened, “that’s my favourite! did Yooh tell you?”

“No, just a lucky guess.” _This girl is so precious,_ Bora thought.

Bora’s cheeks were starting to hurt from smiling so much.

However, the longer she looked at Siyeon’s face, the redness around her eyes and the dark circles there were unmistakable. _How long had she been crying?_

Bora had the overwhelming urge to hug Siyeon so tightly then; to wrap her arms around her waist and hold her up if she ever felt too weak.

Thankfully before Bora could embarrass herself, Yooh came into the kitchen smiling at her roommate. “Happier now that Bora’s here?”

“I’m happier because it’s not _you_ who’s cooking this time.” Siyeon replied instantly, making Bora laugh. _God, that laugh._ Siyeon could never get enough of it.

“Why do you always bully me?” Yooh pouted dramatically.

“It’s just so easy,” Bora teased, smiling at Siyeon. “Now both of you get out the kitchen, it’s almost ready.” 

Bora playfully hit Yooh’s butt with the wooden spoon in her hands, making her scurry out the kitchen laughing. Siyeon quickly followed after her before getting the same treatment.

Yooh laughed, “That’s her love language you know, touching and cooking.” 

_Then I want to be loved by her_ Siyeon thought.

When Bora brought the food in, Dami helped set out the plates and made some tea. A drama that IU was in started playing in the background as they ate.

“This is amazing,” Siyeon said softly, turning to Bora next to her. “Thank you.”

“It’s nothing,” Bora said, trying her best to sound nonchalant. (Ignoring her heart racing at the compliment.)

When Siyeon leaned in front to take her drink from the table, Bora caught sight of the tattoo on the back of the girl’s neck. 

_What was with everyone having neck tattoos today?_

__

_They don’t know how lucky they are to be able to find their soulmate without asking them to take their clothes off._

_Siyeon was probably going to find her soulmate before she did too._

Wow, Bora really had to work on her jealously.

Siyeon leant back, turning back to Bora, seeing her frowning to herself. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Bora said quickly, giving her a fake reassuring smile and eating another mouthful off her plate.

“Your acting training isn’t good enough to fool me,” Siyeon said, nudging Bora with her shoulder.

That earned a small smile, a _real_ one this time and Siyeon mentally celebrated the win.

“Maybe I’ll tell you about it another time,” Bora said carefully. 

She didn’t know if Siyeon classed her as a friend. Siyeon had been vulnerable in front of Bora but she wasn’t really meant to be there when that happened.

Bora didn’t know if she could be willingly vulnerable with Siyeon yet. No matter how much she wanted to be right now. Seeing that soft caring gaze directed at her, honestly it made her knees weak.

Siyeon nodded and leant back against the sofa, trying to keep her eyes on the tv. It was hard when she felt Bora staring at her most of the time.

There was something about being in Bora’s presence that made her feel warm inside.

The first few times they met, that feeling was more akin to a fire fuelled by annoyance and tension. Now the feeling was softer. The tension was still there but neither of them wanted to hurt the other. Now their goals were to make each other laugh rather than make each other yell.

After everything that’s happened, Bora was still here. Siyeon hadn’t scared her off.

She wanted to show how grateful she was to the girl sitting next to her, but she didn’t know how. 

She took her eyes away from the tv, and realised just how _close_ Bora’s face was from hers. 

Siyeon could count every one of her eyelashes if she wanted to. Her eyes slowly fell down to Bora’s lips, imagining how soft they would be against hers. Siyeon watched as Bora, still watching the screen, subconsciously bit her bottom lip.

_Lord, give me strength._

Bora could feel Siyeon looking at her. She could imagine the look she had in her eyes. The longing. The desperation. She knew if she looked back at her, she’d end up doing something stupid. Something she would regret.

“Stop looking at me like that.”

“Like what?” Siyeon whispered, dangerously close to Bora’s ear. It sounded like an innocent question, but the tone held a hint of desperation. 

Bora swallowed, keeping her eyes purposefully fixed on the screen. “Like you want to kiss me.” 

“What if I do want to kiss you?”

Bora stilled. Siyeon felt like she was holding her breath waiting for a response.

“Guys pay attention! This is the best part!” Yooh shouted, throwing a pillow at them both.

The heavy tension that settled over them had disappeared in an instant. Bora laughed loudly, throwing the pillow straight back full force into Yooh’s face. Siyeon let out the breath she had been holding. _Fuck, that was close._

Then again, her rationality told her it was probably for the best they got interrupted. She had no idea how Bora was going to respond to her forwardness.

“This isn’t even the best part!” Bora yelled, ranting about how at the start of the episode IU’s confession was better. 

Siyeon sat back listening to the fiery girl in front of her. The way she moved her hands so wildly, paired with the loudness of her voice and dramatic facial expressions, all of it was so _Bora_. Siyeon felt like she could watch her forever.

“Earth to Siyeon!” Dami yelled, waving in her face. Siyeon pulled herself out of her thoughts. Thinking like this was a bad idea, it was practically written on her face how she felt right now.

“I’m gonna head home, I have to study for our theory test we have tomorrow.”

“Theory test?” 

Dami rolled her eyes, “Yes, you were there when it was set last week. Bora did you want me to drive you back?”

Bora gave Dami a grateful smile. “Yes, as long as you don’t crash on the way,” Bora teased, standing up from the sofa.

The blonde looked up at Bora with a confused expression. The dancer gave her one of her fake smiles in return. _Did I do something wrong?_ Siyeon asked with her eyes, but Bora looked away.

“I’ll see you tomorrow Siyeon, remember you can always talk to me about anything,” Dami said as she bent down to give her friend a hug.

Siyeon was too distracted to hear her. _Did I scare her off?_

“And I’ll see you at practice,” Bora said, looking down at her one last time with an unreadable expression before heading to the door.

“I’ll let you both out,” Yooh said, jumping up from the sofa with a smile, following behind.

Siyeon sighed, throwing her head back, mentally chastising herself for acting the way she did. 

Why was she so caught up with this girl? She was catching feelings. Siyeon didn’t do that. Caring too much always led to heartbreak. This was a losing game.

The thought of her scaring Bora away made her want to cry again. Maybe it’s because she was in an overly emotional state, blowing things out of proportion, but she hated the idea of Bora becoming a stranger to her again after only just starting to get to know her.

She knew she shouldn’t have gotten out of bed this morning. Curse Dami for showing up to her apartment and bringing her. She hated how much she cared.

When she heard the door lock, she stood up from the sofa and headed to her room before Yooh could talk to her. She slammed the door and fell onto her bed, feeling the weight on her chest grow heavier with each breath.

She didn’t know if she felt even worse than she did before they arrived. The ruminating thoughts were settling in her mind once again, the anxiety coming with it.

She had to try her best to sleep. Even if she had nightmares, it would still be better than listening to the conscious fears wrecking her brain. The voice in her head repeating _everyone is going to leave you._

A few more hours of this and Siyeon would believe it.


	10. x

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> siyeon sees bora dance

It was two weeks until the first production performance, and the acting, dancing and vocal students were getting ready for their first complete rehearsal. The actors had decided on an olden romance trope, which meant an emotional soundtrack and contemporary choreo.

After Bora finally got her hands on the long-awaited songs, she quickly fabricated some of her best choreography yet, which thankfully wasn’t turned down even after Soojin’s expected opposition.

The dancers were preparing for the first ballroom scene, where couples each take the spotlight, circling faster and faster around the actors, the music rising until they finally fall into each other’s arms. 

For this scene, Bora paired herself with Taemin.

Taemin was arguably the best male dancer in the academy. He was a fourth year and this definitely wasn’t his first production. His name was known throughout the academy but also all throughout Seoul. It was rumoured that he turned down SM Entertainment after he passed his audition, because he “didn’t like the changing rooms.”

Bora liked Taemin. They had gotten to know each other during Bora’s first production, where they realised how much they had in common. They were both egotistic brilliant dancers that knew what they wanted; to be the best. Game recognised game.

They quickly became close friends. Outside of productions, they would run into each other in the studio and help each other practice for their individual works like YouTube covers or auditions for shows outside the academy. 

Inevitably their friendship became more physical after long sweaty dance sessions ran late into the night, making both their sex drives run wild. Dancing in the dark became one of their favourite hobbies, hands guiding and touching each other expertly. Bora remembers herself pushing him against the mirror, leaning up on her toes to bite his lips so hard that his moans echoed down the hallways.

This used to be a regular occurrence, especially during production time but over the past few months both of them had gotten too busy. Taemin with his forth year exams and countless auditions for international companies (in Paris, Prague, Milan to name a few), and Bora with her seemingly never ending schedule of what the academy expected from her. Making such an impact in first year meant that she was determined not to burn out and fade from the spotlight in second year. She just wouldn’t allow that.

But even with their busy schedules they would make time to text each other with updates on what they were doing. Sending each other videos late into the night on new interesting choreography and music. 

Bora treasured the friendship she had with Taemin but dancing with him now was bittersweet. It was Taemin’s last production before he had to keep his head down and study for his finals. Bora didn’t want to think about him leaving so soon. 

“Sua! My queen! Please tell me you already know the footwork by heart-“ Taemin yelled, throwing his bags against the wall as he strode into the hall.

“Of course! What do you take me for, an amateur?” Bora yelled back, finishing up her stretches sat on the floor.

“Thank God, let’s not stay as long as the rest of them, I need some time to talk with you.” 

“About what?” Bora arched her eyebrow.

Taemin leant against the barre, staring down at Bora with a mischevious smirk. Oh, this wasn’t good. Bora taught him that look. He was up to something.

“The harbouring obsession you have with that blonde from the vocal department! You aren’t slick you know, constantly eye-fucking her across the room-“

“No! Stop that right now! We are not discussing my sexuality in the middle of the dance hall right now!” Bora whisper yelled, slapping the dancer’s leg rather harshly. 

Taemin always was unabashedly to-the-point, which Bora did _not_ appreciate at this moment.

Completely unfazed, Taemin continued. “Minji’s friends with her isn’t she? Why haven’t you spoken about her? She’s _stunning._ “

“ _Don’t._ ”

“What?” He asked innocently.

“ _Don’t you dare._ ” Bora was glaring daggers into him.

“I only said she’s pretty.”

“You’d eat her alive. I don’t want you wrecking her, and honestly I don’t think she likes men.” 

Bora really didn’t want to think about Siyeon right now. She’d been avoiding her confusing thoughts about the singer for days. But the mere thought of Taemin trying to flirt with her made her blood boil.

“So you _do_ like her. I can see it in your eyes. You never told me you liked women, or is this just an experimental thing?”

God, Bora wanted to shut him up so bad. They were in _public_ for god sake.

“Look, it’s.... _confusing_ and I’d rather not think about it. Like at all. So shut up already.”

Bora wouldn’t ( _couldn’t_ ) bring herself to think about Siyeon. She had to distract herself from that voice, that line that kept wanting to replay in her head every single minute, _what if I want to kiss you?_

Bora couldn’t let herself. Something was holding her back, most likely the fear of treading into unknown waters. It was all too overwhelming and Bora didn’t have the effort to think through it all.

“Bottling feelings away is never good you know.” Taemin sighed, looking around at the other dancers stretching on the floor. 

“I’m going to miss this. Dancing with everyone here. This academy has been a good home to me.” He looked down at Bora who was scowling up at him.

“Why are you being so sentimental, just do your stretches already.”

“Damn, not in a good mood today?” He teased.

“I was before you came in.”

“Shut up, you love me.”

“Believe what you want.” Bora got up from the floor abruptly and made her way to the stage, purposefully avoiding any eye contact with the vocal students practicing nearby.

She wouldn’t let herself be distracted today. This was an important rehearsal, which showed whether the choreography she made fit well enough with the story.

She had read over what the actors had written and the plot wasn’t as daring or new as she would like. It was the same old stuff that she performed last year but in just a slightly different way.

This had disappointed her until she saw what the vocal department brought to the table. The lyrics were incredible, fresh, _different_ which is what the plot needed. The songs themselves were produced brilliantly, and would bring the dull story to life. No doubt this was mostly Siyeon’s doing, as she seemed to be the main songwriter. Bora didn’t want to acknowledge that right now. 

“Starting in 5!”

Bora jumped on the spot a little, shaking out her limbs, and took a deep breath. It took all of her resolve not to turn her head to the blonde singer on the side of the stage. She felt the girl’s eyes watching her every move.

Putting all her hurt insecure feelings aside, Siyeon watched Bora on stage with growing curiosity. She had yet to see the dancer truly perform, only catching occasional broken glimpses across the hall. She wanted to see the reason why everyone spoke of her so highly, like a prodigy. Maybe she deserved the label of the academy’s favourite dancer.

She mentally cheered Bora on, wanting her to impress everyone in the hall, including herself. If Bora looked back at her, Siyeon wanted to show her that she wasn’t fazed by her distancing herself. That it wasn’t a big deal.

Truthfully the singer needed a bit more convincing herself. _This is nothing more than a temporary crush at best_ she told herself. That’s why it stung when Bora wouldn’t meet her eyes for days. It’s nothing more. Just _temporary._

So she smiled at Bora even if she wasn’t looking at her. 

She watched with a smile as a tall male dancer took his place as her partner, smirking down at her fondly.

She watched with a smile as the music started and his hands gripped her waist confidently, as if he already knew the way her body liked to be touched.

She watched with a smile as he whispered something teasingly in her ear, and she laughed that loud echoing laugh that made the other dancers jump back with a start.

(Her smile may have faltered.)

She _didn’t_ want to be him. She didn’t. She had her place on the side and Bora was made for centre stage. Siyeon knew that.

The couples took their places when the room suddenly went dark. A bright spotlight shone on Bora and Taemin, illuminating their skin, making them look as if they were carved from marble. The muscles in their legs flexed when the soft music started flowing from the speakers. They circled each other slowly, eyes locked, waiting for the music to rise until they could whisk each other around the stage.

Then, it was as if Bora had invented dance itself. She took everything the music was giving her, projecting it with her body from the top of her head to the bottom of her feet. Every movement that pushed and pulled around the centre stage was mesmerising. The music kept rising, her breathing turning ragged but she was making no signs of stopping.

She was a fire that couldn’t be contained. Her talent spilling over the seams and the sight would make anyone’s breath catch in their throat.

Her body was so in tune with the music though there was an underlying harshness to her, like she shouldn’t ever be underestimated. She was everything that was wild and _free_ and Siyeon felt her heart hammer against her chest; wanting desperately to break past her ribs and be held in the hands of the woman dancing in front of her. 

The other dancers blurred into the background. Siyeon was in a trance, drinking up Bora’s every move. She sensed the heat radiating off her and followed the slick sweat gliding down her skin. She watched Bora’s chest rise and fall with each ragged breath between movements, making Siyeon have to bite the inside of her lip to stop from making a sound. 

It was unreal the effect this had on Siyeon’s body. She had never felt like this before. Everything she felt was heightened, all her senses being taken over like she had just consumed the hardest of drugs. 

This feeling stayed for most of the rehearsal, even during the times she had to sing, her eyes were unable to leave Bora even then. This was Bora’s natural form and Siyeon was enthralled.

When Bora first heard Siyeon’s voice through the speakers she _only just_ caught herself from stumbling. Taemin raised his eyebrows at her reaction, clearly amused as he gripped her waist a bit tighter to make sure she didn’t fall.

“ _What was that?_ ” He mouthed, earning a glare from the shorter dancer.

Bora had wanted to dance to Siyeon’s voice for so long, but now she didn't even know if she could. This was so different from listening to her YouTube covers in an empty studio. She felt the blonde’s eyes on her even as she was singing. It was as if Siyeon was singing only so she could keep Bora dancing. 

Siyeon caught Bora’s little slip up and smiled to herself, proud that her voice had such an effect on the girl.

It was only for an accidental second, but Bora met Siyeon's eyes from across the stage. Her heart leapt when she saw the singer looking at her with such pride, such passion. Bora didn’t know how to feel. 

She looked away as quick as possible before getting lost in those beautiful, intense eyes. That look was probably burnt in her memory forever. How was she meant to concentrate now? 

That one look, that one second, was enough to fuel Siyeon’s happiest thoughts for weeks. _Just a temporary crush? Really Siyeon?_

When the rehearsal came to an end, Bora practically ran off the stage towards the singer. Taemin couldn’t hold back his laugh. 

“What was that?!”

Siyeon looked down at the dancer, who was standing with her hands on her hips with an annoyed look on her face. _God, she was hot._

“Sorry, what?” She hadn’t heard Bora’s words, but the tone was unmistakable. It reminded Siyeon of their first conversations. 

Bora was frustrated. Frustrated that she slipped up, frustrated at Taemin’s teasing, frustrated at the look Siyeon was giving her, even now.

“I can’t dance my best with you staring at me constantly like a creep!” Bora spat.

That fiery look in Bora’s eyes made Siyeon’s jaw clench. _Were we really back to the beginning?_

“So I’m just not allowed to look at you?” Siyeon scoffed. “Do you even hear yourself?”

“Just stop.”

“This is childish.”

“You’re childish.” Bora said, taking a step closer to the singer.

“Proving my point.”

Siyeon knew it was the tension translating itself into frustration. But with Bora this close she was struggling to fight the urge to drag her behind the nearest door with a lock on it, (and do much more than just kiss her.)

Bora glared into Siyeon’s eyes for what seemed like an eternity, neither of them daring to speak. Bora was about to make another childish insult until Taemin approached.

“For the love of God, get a room. I could cut this tension with a knife.” He sighed dramatically, giving Bora a pointed look.

Both girls turned to look at him. Bora with shocked embarrassment, seconds away from slapping him, and Siyeon with indifference. 

(The singer agreed with him, but it was Bora’s call.) 

Both her and Taemin looked down at Bora expectedly. “I- what? Stop it, both of you. Stop looking at me like that.” Her eyes darting between both of them.

She was more than just flustered, she was incredibly confused. This is not what she expected when she came over here. Truly, she didn’t know why she approached Siyeon in the first place. She cursed her impulsiveness.

Siyeon saw how uncomfortable Bora looked and her eyes widened. Oh god.

 _She misread the whole situation and Bora wasn’t even into her. She really_ was _mad. Why the hell did she say she wanted to kiss her? That must have been so creepy. She didn’t even know if Bora liked women. Oh fuck, she messed up._

“I’m sorry Bora, I’ll stop.”

Bora looked up at Siyeon, seeing the slight panic behind her eyes. This confused her even more.

“I’m gonna go.” Siyeon turned around to pick up her bag and left without another word, leaving Bora dumbfounded.

“Okay what the fuck just happened?” Her eyebrows knitted together as she watched Siyeon, all but _sprint_ her way out of the hall. 

“Are you serious?” Taemin deadpanned. “She likes your dumbass! She was waiting for you to make a move. Even _I_ was waiting for you to make a move.” 

“Taemin stop. I’m not gay.”

“Obviously or you wouldn’t have fucked me as much as you have.”

“I’m serious Tae.”

He sighed looking down at his annoyed partner. “So you’re telling me, you aren’t _the least_ bit attracted to that gorgeous woman?”

He watched as Bora scrunched up her nose a little in thought, giving up after a few seconds. “Ugh, I have no idea,” she sighed.

Taemin put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her into a side hug. “You have some thinking to do.”

“But I hate thinking.” She groaned, leaning into him.

“You’re lucky you don’t do it too often then.”

“Hey!” She shoved him away, making him stumble back with a laugh. “I don’t know why I’m friends with you.”

“Because I’m sexy and funny and smart and the best dancer in this academy-“ Taemin listed.

“You’re describing me again,” Bora laughed.

“No I’m not!”

They both picked up their bags from the floor, and made their way out of the hall teasing each other.

Bora knew Taemin was right. She _did_ have a lot to think about. But right now, she just wanted to spend the rest of the day with him, distracting herself from the fact that he won’t be here in a few months.

“Do you want to get something to eat?” She asked, wrapping an arm around his waist.

“Of course, bulgogi?”

“Bulgogi it is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes, dancing in the dark was an ode to that iconic camren fic by blake0tyler. check it out if you haven’t already - a sum of small things.


End file.
